Not so Jenneric

Who Took the Twinkies?

2012-01-11T11:09:00.000-06:00

We have a long-standing family mystery involving Twinkies that I like to call "Who Took the Twinkies?" When we were kids, we spent most afternoons and every summer day at our Grandma and Grandpa Doerfler's house while our parents were at work. Grandma always had a snack for us in the afternoons and one time, she bought a big package of Twinkies. Apparently when she went to serve them to us, they were missing. I remember being placed in what felt like a line up and being questioned, over and over, about who took the Twinkies. After what seemed like hours, my brother Jeff finally admitted to eating them. I knew he wasn't the culprit (he wasn't really into sweets that much) and I knew I wasn't the culprit (I never really liked Twinkies). But I wasn't sure about my sister Jill...ha. She was very young and wouldn't remember now if she were the one who took them. To this day, I think grandma hid them somewhere and forgot where she put them. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who bought their house found those Twinkies, still good since they have a shelf life of 60 years, tucked away somewhere in a corner! Anyway, I just read that Hostess, the company that makes Twinkies, is filing for Chapter 11 and made me think that Twinkies could actually cease to exist, giving a whole new meaning to our "Who Took the Twinkies" saga. I don't eat Hostess snacks of any kind anymore (this could explain the bankruptcy), but it does make me sad for future generations to think that they could grow up without these sugary treats.

Christmas Stocking

2011-12-12T12:23:00.002-06:00

This almost 40-year-old stocking has never been hung at my house before. It's always had a comfortable home next to my brother and sister's stockings at our family house growing up, then at dad's house and finally at mom's house. Now that both my parents are gone, the stockings moved with my sister to her new house, initially. But last night, she handed them out to us and we took them home. I don't know why, but I am completely torn up about this. I know my parents are gone. I know this is the first Christmas without mom and our fourth without dad...and I know we're going to miss them. We miss them everyday and holidays are always hard. But I also know that we already have lots of fun family gatherings planned and that they would be so happy that we are so close. So why is that tears trickled down my face as I took this stocking and hung it in my own home?

When Your Job Here is Done

2011-11-05T08:45:00.007-05:00

Andy Rooney

I just read that the lovable 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney has died, just a month after signing off the show for the last time. Have you ever noticed that people who are living their destiny die almost immediately after they stop doing it?

Charles Schulz

The first person who came to mind for me was Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. He died on February 12, 2000. His very last Peanuts cartoon strip, drawn just a few weeks before, ran (as already scheduled to be his last) the next day, February 13, 2000. Prophetic. His job here on earth was done.

Helen Wagner

Helen Wagner, who played Nancy Hughes McClosky on As The World Turns (ATWT), filmed her last scenes for the soap opera in March 2010 and died a few months later in May. Helen holds the distinction of uttering the first words ever spoken on the television version of ATWT, being the one on camera in 1963 when Walter Conkrite interrupted to tell the world that President Kennedy had been shot and is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest run in a single role on television. Coincidentally, the show, one of the longest running soap operas in history, went off the air forever in September 2010.

Steve Jobs

And then, of course, there was Steve Jobs, the infamous founder of Apple. Just six weeks after resigning (albeit to due to illness), died at his home in October 2011.

Amidst all these celebrities, I can’t help but think of my mom, who died at the age of 60 earlier this year. Yes, it was the cancer that ultimately made her stop working. But as she battled it for two years, undergoing chemo, radiation and even surgeries, she continued to work. She worked until September 2010 and died a few months later in January 2011. I still cannot believe she worked up until then. My dad’s story was very similar – not long after he retired is when his cancer was discovered. He, too, fought the disease and continued what I believe was his true calling – being our daddy – right up until the very end.
It’s funny. Most of us dream about the day we can retire and enjoy our lives. It seems like these folks were already enjoying their lives to the fullest and when the joy of doing what they did was taken away, they could just move on to a better place. I guess they’re still living the dream, in that respect. Why stick around on earth when you could be in Heaven, enjoying all that it has to offer?

Being a mommy.

Being a daddy.

Blush and Bashful

2011-11-03T22:25:00.000-05:00

Today I emailed my sister and asked her what her favorite color is...we need to know for her Christmas gift(s) and I was being oh-so-sneaky. Ha. Below was her response. I love that she wants to be fair to all the colors of the rainbow!

Q: What's your favorite color?

A: I don't have an ultimate favorite, it's not fair to the other colors. I'll tell you what colors I don't care for… orange unless it's burnt orange, any pastel with the exception of pink. I'm not really all that into browns unless it's a very rich chocolate brown… and I don't like holiday colors together unless it's that holiday and I'm not a fan of pink and purple together for an adult … does that help?

This made me wonder what Pantone named as their color of the year...low and behold, it's Honeysuckle, aka pink! Love it. Then of course I immediately thought of one of the greatest movie quotes of all time: "My colors are blush and bashful, momma!"

And yes, Jill, I purposefully mixed pink and purple together in this blog post! :)

address labels

2011-10-29T14:50:00.000-05:00

You know those free address labels charities send you, asking for money? I got some really cute ones with dogs and cats on them and started using them, feeling guilty for not sending them a donation. But I've already donated to the local Humane Society in the last few months, so I reasoned it was ok to use them. Then I realized it...they'd spelled my last name wrong. Like really wrong. It's an entirely different last name! Wow. My proofreading skills sure aren't what they used to be! The worst part is...I've already used and mailed three things with the labels. Moral of the story: proofread everything and don't use labels unless you send in a donation. It's apparently bad kharma!

A Week in the Life

2011-09-14T21:23:00.028-05:00

So my sister-in-law stumbled upon a lady who decided to document a week in her life through photos and captions on her blog. We thought the week marking the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 would be a good week to document our own lives. I have a relatively boring life and I don't carry my camera with me every day, so most of these photos were taken with my cell phone and aren't good quality, but I tried to give you a few snap shots of my life. Enjoy!

Sunday 9/11/11

I lit a candle and started watching the 9/11 tribute on Sunday morning. I cried...a lot...as I watched the unveiling of the memorial, the reading of the names, the moments of silence. Then I looked up at the candle I'd lit on my entertainment center and saw HOPE.

Moki: "Coffee table, schmoffee table. This is a cat table!"

Vinnie took a nap while mommy watched 9/11 coverage.

Monday 9/12/11

Apparently I need lots of motivation to remind me that I'm a good writer at work!

Laundry time! Oh, how exciting!

Tuesday 9/13/11

I love big old trees like this!

There's a homeless man who stands at this corner every day and he always carries his American flag. He was resting under a nearby tree when I snapped this while waiting at the light.

Wednesday 9/14/11

Chairs on parade at my office.

Bad kitties!

Friday 9/16/11

The view...leaving Austin on Friday for a girls weekend/bridal shower in Rockport for our friend Julie.

Saturday 9/17/11

Where else would the shower be on the Texas coast but the Captain's Quarters? :)

Mmmm...shower cake.

The girls. Jill was channeling her inner chearleader, apparently. :)

Me & Julie at The Sugar Shack...wild and crazy bachelorette party, lemme tell ya. Ha.

Sunday 9/18/11

Leaving Rockport. Until next month!

Thankfully there's a Starbucks in Victoria! Yay!

Guess who drove home and who curled up in the fetal position and slept. ;)

Brooke Burke

2011-08-15T22:23:00.000-05:00

This woman has had FOUR children and is older than me. Ok, only by six months, but still. I think I hate her. I mean, I did try to take her out once: http://jennericgirl.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-almost-took-down-new-dancing-with.html. Just kidding, you're awesome, Brooke. I'm just really jealous. But you could stop being so damn beautiful, ok?

Emails from Beyond

2011-07-09T10:52:00.001-05:00

What happens to all the stuff people leave behind when they die? For months, my siblings and I have been sorting through all of mom’s possessions – literally one by one, deciding who wants what. And because my mom died only eight years after her dad (our grandpa lived to be 95), we sorted through all of our grandparents’ things too. We literally found receipts from grandpa’s Texaco station from the 1940s and 50s. I come by my hoarding honestly, let’s just put it that way. It was a painstaking, emotionally and physically draining process.

And then there are things you don’t think about, like mom’s facebook page and email account. This week, her email account was hacked and sent out spam emails to everyone in her list. The first one went to my sister-in-law and it said, "Do you want stop time and be forever young?" and of course referenced a website. My first thought: my mom always said she'd have fun haunting us from beyond. Yep, there was no doubt in my mind, this was mom having a little fun up in Heaven. Then I got an email from her account asking if I wanted to know how to enlarge a certain body part I don’t have. So last night, I logged onto mom’s email, deleted about 4,000 junk emails and changed her password. I also unsubscribed to all the crazy emails she was receiving. I guess we could cancel her email account, but I’m not ready for that just yet. Maybe I’m hoping she can figure out how to send a real email message from Heaven.

Imaginary Friend

2011-06-18T22:54:00.002-05:00

I watched a movie tonight where this girl (played by Alyssa Milano) had an imaginary friend as a kid who then came back when she was an adult and was about to marry the wrong person. In true Lifetime Movie Network fashion, she and her imaginary friend fell in love. When I was a kid, I apparently had an imaginary pet flea. I don’t remember this, but my parents told me about it. What are the chances my imaginary pet flea will come back into my life and be marriage material?

Something I've wondered a lot lately...

2011-06-09T10:28:00.000-05:00

‎"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"
~Albert Einstein

She fulfilled her calling...

2011-06-04T15:58:00.001-05:00

After being on the air for 25 years, the Oprah Winfrey Show ended on May 25, 2011. I was never a faithful viewer like some, but would watch from time to time. My mom watched it nearly every day, though. And I always liked the show. It’s impossible to miss the influence that Oprah had on our society – from book suggestions to starting careers of Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil and even to introducing most of the country to would-be President Barack Obama.

When I did watch, her show always spoke to me, sharing a message that I needed right at that moment. Oprah’s final show was no different. Her last episode was without fanfair – it was just Oprah, alone on her stage, pontificating about the last 25 years and giving words of encouragement to her viewers. Oprah was undeniably more than just a TV show host. She found her true calling and lit up the world by fulfilling it. Her final words really inspired me. I’ve saved her last show to watch whenever I’m down in the dumps and need a pick-me-up. Below are just a few of the quotes from her last show that resonated with me, courtesy of oprah.com:

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion. Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

“…But what I want you to know as this show ends: Each one of you has your own platform. Do not let the trappings here fool you. Mine is a stage in a studio, yours is wherever you are with your own reach, however small or however large that reach is. Maybe it's 20 people, maybe it's 30 people, 40 people, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your classroom, your co-workers. Wherever you are, that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence. That is your talk show, and that is where your power lies. In every way, in every day, you are showing people exactly who you are. You're letting your life speak for you. And when you do that, you will receive in direct proportion to how you give in whatever platform you have.”

"My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you're supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don't waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world."

“…Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn't matter what your mama did; it doesn't matter what your daddy didn't do. You are responsible for your life. ... You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”

“…There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness…What I got was we often block our own blessings because we don't feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough…”

“…I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire…Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"

"I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn't have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It's always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I'm still—I wait and listen for the guidance that's greater than my meager mind.”

"The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. ... It's subtle, those whispers. And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It's like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. ... You don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That's the pattern I've seen in my life, and it's played out over and over again on this show…What I've gleaned from this show: Whispers are always messages, and if you don't hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don't handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don't handle the crisis, disaster. Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?"

The last two paragraphs are the ones that really hit home for me. I know that I haven’t always listened to God’s gentle whispers or even the thumps on the head. I think this was the part of the show I really needed to hear right at that moment and take to heart.

Thank you for all the wonderful years, Oprah. I know we’ll see you in some other venture soon. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll see me in a new venture too – one that lights me up.

Leap of Faith

2011-05-22T14:44:00.002-05:00

When my mom died, I became the oldest member of our little branch on the family tree. At 39. It’s a sobering reality. I’m eight years older than my sister and four years older than my brother. I’ve always taken my job as the big sister – and now the matriarch, I guess – very seriously. It’s my job to take care of them, to comfort them, to come to their rescue when needed. But more often than not lately, the roles have reversed and they have taken care of, comforted and rescued me.

These past few months, I have missed my parents like crazy and frankly, I’ve been fighting to keep my head above water. I get out of bed every day and do what I need to do for the most part, but it’s like someone turned the color off the movie and we’re all walking around in black and white. There’ve been some happy moments in there too, but I’ve also really been struggling with some things. Unfortunately, just because I suffered a major loss earlier this year, the world didn’t stop turning. And there are people out there who really just don’t care.

One day last week I was having a particularly bad day and sent a text to my sister about it. What she wrote me back made me burst into tears. Not out of sadness, but because it was true…and I was so proud of her maturity. I’m paraphrasing here, but essentially she told me:

I had an epiphany about your situation this morning. We have the two best guardian angels in Heaven. Nothing bad is going to happen. This stuff is just a sign to take a leap of faith and move on. I felt for awhile that God was working against me, but then I realized it was for a reason!

How did my baby sister (and baby brother) get so smart?

My Lucky Charm

2011-02-08T19:26:00.002-06:00

I was feeling pretty stressed and overwhelmed yesterday. I’m playing catch up at work after being out dealing with my mom’s passing, plus we are just really, really busy right now. We’re working on some fun things, but all the little details and “to dos” at work and with mom’s estate just seemed to be piling up. I had trouble falling asleep, but once I finally did, I had a dream about my mom. The first one since she died. I was sitting on the couch and she was in her chair and she was talking to me, making me feel better. Then she told me what I really needed was a pill. She stood up (and didn’t have to use a walker!) and walked over to her pill case, something we got really used to seeing in real life. She opened it up and there were all different colored and shaped pills. Come to think of it, they kind of looked like the pill version of Lucky Charms! She handed me the small pink heart-shaped pill and told me it would help me rest. I sure slept hard…and woke up with a smile on my face. Mom’s still there to help me when I really need her.

By his stripes, she is finally healed!

2011-02-04T11:33:00.000-06:00

My sister sent this to us this morning and it made me cry. This was, without a doubt, my mom speaking to her. She is finally healed!

Yesterday I downloaded a daily Bible verse app for my phone. I was listening to an audio book that made me think. My mom kept saying she was going through this for a reason and she believed it was to witness to others. So I thought maybe there was some sort of message there for me, so I looked up the two verses that she always referenced. I was a little bummed because there didn't seem to be a hidden message. To be honest after [losing] my dad and now my mom, my faith was very shaken! Well... This of all the verses in the Bible was chosen as today's Bible verse on my new app: But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:5

For those of you who spoke with my mom in her last few months, I'm sure you have heard this verse. This verse really inspired her! She would always say, "I am healed, I am healed! By his stripes I am healed!" Until her death we took that very literally but only truly understood it recently.

Ruby's Final Moment

2011-01-22T15:40:00.004-06:00

I haven't even had much time to process it yet, much less blog about it, but my mom lost her courageous battle with cancer on Friday. We are still in shock and already miss her like crazy. We're overwhelmed by the love and support people are showing us. My mom was a special lady and will be missed. The following is an email her longtime friend Janie Cortez wrote. It's a beautiful and honest tribute to my mom and I wanted to share it with everyone.

Hello everyone. I have some sad news. My Good Friend Ruby Herber died Friday Jan. 21, 2011 at 2:15 in the morning.

I talked to her on Wednesday afternoon. Her words were "I am back." She had gotten real sick during the weekend with pneumonia but since the tumors on her lungs had grown so much they could not tell. My lovely friend was always so hopeful. When she called me on Wednesday, she said she was eating really good and her daughter Jill was going to fix her steak for supper.

Then on Thursday morning, I checked my phone and Jill and Jenn, her daughters, had called me to tell me Ruby was in the emergency room at the hospital and they were not sure she would make it this time. I put on some clothes and drove like a crazy to Scott & White in Round Rock, hoping to talk to her again one more time. I prayed all the way there. I thank God she could still talk to me when I ran in the emergency room. I was crying out loud at her bedside and she said, "It’s ok, I am ready.” I told her that she had taught me so much and she said, “No, you have taught me.” What I wanted to say was that she taught me so much about her Faith in God, even in all the suffering she had experienced. She was always reading her Bible and sharing her findings.

I met Ruby when she came to work at Teacher Retirement sometime in the 70s. We were both married with children (babies). She was such a genuine person, so full of love and joy and everyday was an adventure for us. I would see her at break time, both morning and afternoon and lunch. We would talk about our children and husbands and life itself. We became such good friends in the difficult times and the good times. Some of the difficult times were when we lost our parents and when Ruby went in search of her birth mother. Ruby was adopted as a small child. There was also Ruby's divorce from David. I also spent the day with her when David died of cancer about four years ago. Now these are the times when we knew we were like sisters. We never cared about the color of our skin but the love that we had for each other. My sisters would tease me and tell me that Ruby was not my sister. I talk to them about her all the time.

Because I am such a serious person at times, I was drawn to Ruby for a friend. She was always so full of adventure. Sometimes I did not want to tell my husband Andrew of the crazy things we talked about and the adventures we planned. A week after Ruby's dad died, we drove to Fort Collins, Colorado to visit my daughter Andrea. Andrea took us hiking in the snow-covered mountains and I remember Ruby started sliding down the mountain. I kept telling her to look out for the trees but she would head for each tree and hold on from tree to tree. We laughed so much afterwards. On that same trip Andrea took us to a music concert and Ruby bought a huge black hat for the concert. I have no idea why. And she wore it to the concert and probably blocked the view for a couple of people behind us. We laughed about that too. We were always laughing. It did not matter how foolish we looked. I remember all the times we would just meet for breakfast on Saturday morning. We would sit there and talk for at least 2 or 3 hours. We would try to meet up once a month but most of the time it was two or three months.

Ruby gave me a little pillow for my birthday, which has written on it:

Strong Women: May we know them,

may we raise them,

may we be them.

Ruby you were a strong woman, we raised two strong daughters each (and you also raised a strong son), and because of you I will try to be a strong woman now that you have left me.

What we really need is...

2011-01-20T01:14:00.000-06:00

Tonight my sister and I were texting back and forth, talking about how overwhelmed we are with everything going on with mom. I said something like, "We really need therapy." My sister responded with, "We need something...I just don't know what." I sent back, "A miracle." And in her most profound words ever, my baby sister responded with, "I'd settle for a good laxative!"

Praying for a Miracle

2010-10-30T12:05:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged. To say I've been busy is an understatement. When I look back on this time in my life, I wonder what parts of it I will remember. Hopefully the good parts, not the stressful, painful parts that seem to be the norm right now.

I wrote the paragraph below on my cell phone, while lying in a bed in my cousin's house in Houston with my mom the day after we visited MD Anderson for the first time. We'd reached the end of our treatment options in Austin and we were hoping for good news. We didn't get it, not really. MD Anderson, known for not believing in the world terminal, told us that her cancer is terminal. We were devastated. But, there was a tiny glimmer of hope - a clinical trial that has already helped several other women with the exact same rare form of breast cancer that mom has. They were clear that there's still no cure, but they were excited about the results they'd seen so far in the trial. We left Houston the next day, not knowing yet if mom would be accepted into the clinical trial.

September 20, 2010: I'm lying here thinking that this might be the last time I ever share a bed with my mom. Funny how I don't mind that her leg has meandered over into my space or that her pointy elbow is dangerously close to my head. She's moaning and snoring and it sounds beautiful to me. I wish she was talking in her sleep like she was last night. I wish I could bottle up these special times with her and make them last longer. I wish I could take back every fight I've ever had with her. I'll stop typing now to pray for a miracle.

Video Killed the Radio Star

2010-09-26T00:05:00.000-05:00

I got to spend some quality time today with my nephew, who just turned 16. I cannot believe he is already 16, taking driver's ed, planning for college, etc. I swear I was just 16, wasn't I? Amazing how time flies. And interesting how things have changed. Here's a conversation we had in the car, listening to the radio:

My nephew: Have you seen this video?

Me: No, I didn't know they actually played videos anymore.

My nephew: Oh, like on TV? No, I meant on the computer... (He went on to tell me that MTV only plays videos at like 1am and 7am now and explained that you have to look them up now on the internet. Yeah, he thinks I'm so old that I don't know that.)

I was 16 in 1988 - MTV and VH1's heyday. At his age, I would spend hours watching videos. So I looked up some videos from 1988 and chuckled because Poison's Every Rose Has It's Thorn was also the first video I downloaded on my iPod many, many years later! I can't wait to see what songs from 2010 he downloads onto whatever version of the iPod we have 22 years from now.

Danny & Annie

2010-08-17T23:15:00.000-05:00

If you've known me for long, you know that I love a good story. And a good love story is even better. Tonight I watched the animated short film that was made using StoryCorps recordings of a New York couple named Danny & Annie. Danny wrote Annie a love letter every day they were married. The film chronicles their first recording...and their last. Watch it, but have the Kleenex ready. It made me think about my grandparents. Both sets. My mom's parents were married for 57 years before grandma died. And my dad's parents are still alive and have been married for 67 years. I've asked grandma how they've made it all these years and she just shrugs it off and jokes, "We're just too lazy to do anything about it." But I'm not buying it. I've seen it. I've seen true, long-lasting love. Danny & Annie didn't have as many years together as my grandparents, but they certainly had as much love. May we all be so blessed to find love like this, if even for a little while. (See it here: http://video.pbs.org/video/1568346876)

Green with Envy

2010-08-14T12:15:00.004-05:00

This week I got a reminder that things are not always what they seem. About six-seven years ago I worked with a group of fantastically talented girls, all a little younger than me. It was a great team – very energetic, creative and innovative. We became friends and we had a lot of fun working together. Eventually, we all moved on to bigger and better things. And I watched as each one of these ladies fell in love and got married (with the exception of one who was already married to the love of her life), had babies and/or puppies, moved into beautiful homes, traveled to exotic locations, and watched their careers flourish. As happy as I am for all of them, I have to admit that I have been childishly jealous. I’m not knocking my life, but look at it on paper – city government employee who is underpaid and hasn’t gotten a raise in several years, lives alone in a 650 sq ft apartment with her cat, in debt up to my eyeballs and sporting really bad credit, still single (but still looking) and driving around in a five year old car (that I still love) and my big vacation this year is to Omaha, Nebraska! (However, I am going to Omaha to see a dear friend I haven’t seen in years and I am very excited about it…it’s just not Tuscany, ya know?)

I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others and I know I’m not supposed to be jealous, but I guess it’s human nature. These girls work their butts off, they deserve every bit of happiness and success, so don’t get me wrong…I love all of them and I am so happy for them, but let’s face it, I was green with envy. I’ve also been comparing myself to former classmates as my 20-year high school reunion is coming up. I guess I’m just in a period of self-reflection. I think I’ve just been going through the motions, especially these last few years. There was dad’s cancer…and then he died which really through me for a loop. I was in a fog for at least a year. And since January 2009, there’s been mom’s cancer battle. Sure, there’s been other stuff in there, but if I had to tell you what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years, it would be hard to say. I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I’ve never been married, I don’t have any kids…heck, I don’t even own a home. But on the other hand, I’ve also never been divorced, never had to worry that my kid was going to make the wrong choice, and I’ve never had my home taken away from me…ha! How’s that for putting a positive spin on things?

Back to that reminder I got this week. I found out that one of my friends’ parents split up after almost 40 years of marriage. Her dad, who had just weeks before toasted her and her husband on their one year wedding anniversary, had been cheating on her mom with a woman he met in a class. Her parents were both retired and they were supposed to be in their golden years, traveling and enjoying life. And then, POW! Life changed. My parents were divorced after 23 years of marriage…I was in college and it was painful, but thank God nothing like what my friend is going through. It was a reality check for me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for not making as much money, not living in a nice big house, not being married, not being able to travel. But I would much rather not have all those things then to have to go through what their family is going through right now.

I am going to try to remember that everyone has a cross to bear. No matter how lucky you think they might be, we all have terrible, traumatic events happen in our lives. And a big fancy house or a big fancy job won’t solve that. My heart goes out to my friend and her family. I can only imagine the pain and confusion they are feeling right now.

Happy News!

2010-08-14T11:39:00.001-05:00

I am very happy to report that my brother and his girlfriend are now engaged! Woo hoo! They were on vacation in Cancun and on the last night, during a walk on the beach, my brother popped the question! I was a nervous wreck all week, knowing that he planned to do it at some point during the trip, but not knowing when. Finally, the email came through! In it, my future sister-in-law didn’t simply say they were engaged, she said she was gonna be part of our family. I got a little teary eyed. Brother, you chose well. Congratulations you two!

Free Fajitas on Wednesdays!

2010-08-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

This is sad. When I logged onto statesman.com today, the first thing I saw was this picture. What I noticed first was the “free fajitas...Wednesdays…” I thought, “Yay! Today is Wednesday and I’m broke! Where is this place?” That’s when I noticed the police tape and cop cars and realized it was a strip club! Oops. Since someone was fatally stabbed there earlier today, I think I'll skip it.

Mondayist Monday Ever

2010-07-26T23:16:00.005-05:00

Monday Monday, can't trust that day...Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be…

Today was the Mondayist Monday I think I’ve ever had. I woke up feeling kind of puny, but didn’t quite know what was wrong. I went to work and in true Jennifer style, was very dramatic about how bad I felt. On the way to a meeting downtown with three co-workers, I stopped and grabbed an over the counter medicine. During the meeting, though, I started feeling really woozy and my lower back started hurting. I left the meeting, called my doctor and managed to get an appointment for an hour later. My co-workers dropped me off at a Car2Go, a Smart Car that City employees can use to get around town. I’ve used them tons of times, but this time the car didn’t start. So I was stuck in 100-degree temperature with a non-working vehicle. Cars2Go have a way to call customer service through the speakers of the car, so I did that to report it being broken down. After three calls that all got cut off – and being told by three different European men on the other end of the phone how to start a car – I finally just texted my co-workers. Luckily, they hadn’t gone too far and were able to come get me. I was drenched in sweat, feeling worse and felt like I might pass out at this point. We stopped for lunch on the way back to the office and one of the restaurant employees sprayed the back of my shirt with cleaner as she cleaned the booth behind me! Sheesh. I just laughed.

As the day wore on back at the office, it started to thunderstorm and I started to feel worse. I drank lots of water and took more of the OTC meds. I had missed my doctor’s appt because of the broken down SmartCar. Ugh. Then the power flickered…once, twice…and on the third time, my computer went down. Well, restarting an old PC that still has a floppy disk drive on it takes a good hour, so I tried to be patient. Tried to log on to my email from another computer to no avail. I pretty much wasn’t able to work. All the while, I’m trying to decide if I should drive to Urgent Care after work.

On my way home, I called my pharmacist friend and described my symptoms. She said I should get it checked out. That’s all I needed to hear. Also, sitting in a car made me feel worse than anything, so I braved the traffic and the rain and made my way to my favorite Urgent Care place. Ok, it’s the only one I’ve been to, but I still like it. They play kids movies in the lobby and in all the rooms, so it makes me feel better. Today it was Cars, one of my faves!

First I got to pee in a cup. Yay me. Then a few minutes later, the verdict: a kidney infection! “Twenty percent of women end up in the hospital, so I’d feel better if we gave you a shot before you leave,” said the doctor. In walks skinny male nurse who informs me that the shot has to go in my bum. Great. Not embarrassing at all, I thought. So as I watched Lightning McQueen and his pals from Radiator Springs, the nurse stuck me in the bum. Then there was 10 minutes of observation in case I had a bad reaction. This was a little worrisome to me, but fortunately, nothing happened. Then I went on my merry way with prescriptions in hand for antibiotics and pain killers.

Most of the time I don’t mind being single, but on Monday Mondays and times when I have to drive myself to Urgent Care and to the Pharmacy, it sucks. Oh well. Already feeling a tad better, except for my sore bum cheek. Make that two sore bum cheeks...I must have clenched. Ugh.

All About Moki

2010-07-10T12:37:00.002-05:00

Moki met grandma a few days after she came to live with me...I think she was about 4 weeks old here. She grabbed grandma's fortune cookie right out of her hand!

Moki quickly discovered the computer...she loves to help mommy type and sometimes, like in the picture below, I find her surfing the web all by herself!

At about 6 weeks old, Moki's personality really started coming out. She's part devil, part angel, very intense and has lots of Tortitude! (Apparently all Tortoiseshell cats have Tortitude.) She loves her ball track toy, but to be honest, plays with regular things like pens, earrings and balled up paper more!

And today, at 8 weeks old, she had her vet appointment. Now she's a sleepy baby...

Moki at 8 Weeks

2010-07-10T12:33:00.001-05:00

My new little kitty Moki is 8 weeks old now...and weighs all of 2.3 lbs! She had a vet checkup today. She still has a few round worms, so she got another treatment for that, her first round of vaccinations and a flea/heartworm/etc. treatment to do at home. She has another appointment in three weeks for more vaccinations. She was very brave and all the staff ooohed and ahhhed at how pretty she is. Duh, she's the most beautiful kitteh eva! Earlier in the week, I snapped these shots of her playing with (then taking a nap in) my bra! Hilarious.

Worst Fear

2010-07-08T10:23:00.000-05:00

Aside from surviving a tornado and being blown into a tree with my clothes stripped off, THIS is my worst fear! Dying alone and being eaten by cats! This one of the many reasons I will never have more than one cat!

Huge

2010-06-28T15:42:00.003-05:00

First, I will admit that I am sensitive about this subject being an overweight person myself, but television shows are notorious for making fun of overweight people and being less than sensitive to the issues we face. Case in point: "More to Love," Fox's version of the Batchelor. Don't even get me started on that show. Notice it only lasted one season. And how many times has there been a fat character in a movie or TV show who was the brunt of all the jokes? I've never understood why being fat is funny. Why is it funny when a fat person falls down? Actually, why is it funny when a skinny person falls down? Most of the nation is overweight...most of us don't actually look like the malnourished, heroin-chic actors that usually grace the screen. So why aren't there more people like the rest of us on TV? And when they do put normal people on TV, it's either The Biggest Loser (which is a great show, don't get me wrong) or something like "More to Love" or "Dance Your Ass Off."

Apparently ABC Family is debuting a new series tonight called "Huge" about teens at a Fat Camp. This is either the worst idea ever or the best. I hate the name, but apparently it's based on a book by the same name and it promises to be poignant, compelling, touching, blah, blah, blah....I will be setting my DVR for this show and will blog my thoughts about it afterwards.

When I first heard about the Lifetime show "Drop Dead Diva," I was skeptical. The premise of that show is a skinny blond model dies and her soul accidentally ends up in the body of a plus-sized (or normal-sized, if you ask me) lawyer with brown hair. People tell me that I look like the main character, Jane. I take this as a very big compliment because I think she's gorgeous. They've actually managed to treat the issues with grace and some humor, without poking fun at overweight people, all the while showing that Jane actually lives a normal life. She's not a freak of nature like most overweight people are portrayed on TV. I really like "Diva," so maybe "Huge" will surprise me. I hope it does. And I hope it's the kind of show that will give a voice to the millions of teens - and 38 year olds like me - who struggle with being overweight. It's about a lot more than just being lazy and fat. Trust me.

Introducing Moki

2010-06-16T23:17:00.000-05:00

One month to the day that I lost Bridget, I brought home a new kitty. She is a teeny-tiny Tortoiseshell cat who was rescued in San Antonio. Moki is a take on the last name of the people who found her and is an alternative spelling for Moqui, the old word for the Hopi Indians. Moki is fiesty and sweet and has already stolen my heart!

Heart-shaped world

2010-06-10T13:01:00.000-05:00

When I saw this picture today of some birds affected by the BP Oil Spill/Disaster, I immediately saw a heart. Wouldn't it be nice if "All You Need is Love" would fix this mess? In my rose-colored glasses dream fantasy world, love would be able to fix it.

In the "Is this for real?" category...

2010-06-02T17:32:00.000-05:00

Spotted these today when a friend posted a link on Facebook. These have to be a joke, right? Humane for who? My cat would NEVER have let me put these on her! Nail Caps for your Cat's Claws!

And then there's Bacon Bandages. And Mmmvelopes - when you lick them shut, they taste like bacon. Yep. For real. In fact, there's an entire company devoted to making products taste like bacon. Baconnaise, Bacon Salt, Bacon Pop (that's Coke for us Texans), and more.

Oh my, there are even bacon mints and bacon gumballs out there!

Weird.

role model

2010-05-31T23:47:00.000-05:00

So my nephew has four crazy aunts. No uncles, just aunts. Poor kid. For some reason, my family asked my nephew, "If all your aunts were in the lake drowning, which one would you save?" I wasn't there when they asked, but apparently he answered, without hesitation. He said, "My Aunt Jennifer." When they asked him why, he said, "Because she's my role model."

That's about all anyone can ever hope for in life, right? To know that someone else looks up to you. Gulp.

Fat fish

2010-05-30T17:39:00.001-05:00

Just a few random thoughts from the weekend...

Why is it that the movie Steel Magnolias still makes me cry - and laugh - even after I've seen it probably 100 times?

I stopped in at the grocery store the other day and decided to get a piece of catfish. As I was about to ask the guy behind the counter for it, suddenly that scene in the movie Must Love Dogs played in my mind. You know, where the single woman buys a single chicken breast and he gives her hell about it, asking if she's sure that's all she wants. As I'm running through this in my head, I ended up asking for one piece of "FATfish. Er, I mean catfish, please." The guy looked at me kinda funny and I tried to play it off, but I know what happened. I let those "I'm single, eating alone, ugly and fat" thoughts creep into my head. Never knew the seafood counter could be so traumatic! Sheesh.

What is this fascination people seem to have with "going to the lake" and "floating the river?" I truly do not get it. It's already around 95 degrees with humidity in the 70% range and it's technically not officially summer yet. There's just nothing about the lake or tubing that I find appealing. I always say, "Round body, round tube, slippery water = disaster." And why is it that I seem to be the only one who doesn't like summer?

Peace Prayer

2010-05-24T22:56:00.000-05:00

I think this is beautiful...came across it tonight and really needed to read it...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

~ St. Francis of Assisi

Cotton Ball Tears

2010-05-21T01:34:00.001-05:00

Tonight the sight of a cotton ball made me cry. It’s been one week since my beautiful, faithful cat Bridget passed away. And she loved to chase cotton balls. So tonight when I reached for a cotton ball to remove my nail polish with, I just started to cry.

Bridget was my companion for nearly 16 years and was right there beside me for all the big moments in life. Cats are very independent and Bridget was probably more independent than most. She would always come love on me at bedtime, but sleep in the closet in her little corner; she never slept on the bed with me – unless I was sick or sad. When my dad died, she slept in the bed with me off and on for about a month. It was like she could sense the nights when I needed her to be there for me.

My friend Shannon brought me Bridget my last semester of college. I took 21 hours that semester and worked full time, so how I was able to raise a kitten I have no idea. I guess that’s why she was so independent. Bridget moved with me 11 times. She never complained, she just moved with me and adapted. She lived with dogs, she lived with teenagers and she even lived in an apartment that didn’t allow pets – all just to be with me, her momma.

She once got stuck in between the kitchen cabinet and the wall – I think I had to take part of the cabinet out to get her out! She used to love to roll around on the concrete patio, especially if it was sunny. I bought her lots of cute cat toys over the years, but she was never very impressed with them. Bridget preferred to play with Q-tips, tampons, twisty ties, milk rings, makeup sponges, rubber bands and hair bands, erasers (she would chew them to bits!) and most of all, cotton balls.

My apartment seems so empty now. It’s amazing how such a small creature had such a large presence. The hardest part is walking into my apartment from the garage. I expect to hear a kitty meow through the door and when I don't, my heart sinks. I get up and walk to another room and instinctively look for her, then I realize she's not there. I cannot believe how much I miss her. It’s left a hole in me, just like when dad died. My cotton ball tears eventually stopped tonight and turned into a smile. I know that my baby’s in a better place, surrounded by as many cotton balls as she could possibly want.

Glee belongs to me!

2010-04-20T22:02:00.003-05:00

I can't help it, I love Glee. The show is the best guilty pleasure ever! Every week I watch, sing along, and marvel at the witty dialogue. My sister doesn't get it. But she also doesn't like musicals. I think there might be something wrong with that kid. :) She also makes fun of my iPod and tells me I have the songlist of a gay man. Well, gay men have good taste, this we know, right? Can I get an Amen?!?

I currently have a bad case of bronchitis, so I couldn’t sing along to the Madonna Glee episode this week, not that I didn’t try! My poor neighbors and my poor cat! My entire body hurts from the coughing spells the laughter caused. I'm guessing in this case, laughter may not have been the best medicine because my throat kinda hurts worse now. Uh oh.

I told my sister tonight that I wanted to join an adult show choir. She was speechless. Maybe instead I just need to go write for Glee. If only I could be this wonderful...here are a few of the lines from tonight’s show and the reasons why I love it so much:

“Would you please stop talking? You're grossing out my baby!"
“Oh hey William. I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.”
“When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist.”
“You don't deserve the power of Madonna."
“Madonna belongs to me and I will not be copied. It's in my contract.”
“You can have your Barbras and your Chers and your Christinas...”
“By the way, how's the Florence Henderson look working for you?”
“Oh hey there, Whoopie, Don Knotts.”

Embrace Life

2010-04-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

I wish we could really wrap our arms around our loved ones like this when they're in the midst of life's "crashes."

I love you, Bridget

2010-04-08T22:57:00.002-05:00

Today I found out that my almost 16 year cat, Bridget, has a large tumor in her belly. The vet says she won't survive surgery and recommends putting her down soon. I'm not ready. Bridget has been with me since college...we've moved 11 times and have been through lots of changes together. And through it all, she still loves me. And I love her.

School of photography by my dad

2010-04-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

I inherited all of my dad's camera equipment and when I finally bought a digital SLR, I went with a Canon so I could use the telephoto lenses from his old Canon 35mm. Sometimes when I take pictures, I could swear dad is looking through those lenses again. He never really sat me down and taught me how to take a photo, but somehow his style rubbed off on me. On my recent trip to Phoenix, these two photos jumped out at me as pure dad-style pictures. And I'm totally in love with both of them. Thank you, daddy.

All You Need Is Love...and Paul McCartney

2010-04-03T01:44:00.001-05:00

So last weekend, I got the chance of a lifetime when my friend Joan invited me to go with her on a trip to Phoenix to see Paul McCartney in concert. I've always wanted to see him play live, so I decided at the last minute, why the heck not? It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. He rocked for nearly three hours -- and he's 67 years old! When he would sing Beatles songs, I would close my eyes and pretend like they were all still there on stage...and it wasn't so hard to imagine. They also allowed cameras, so I brought my new Canon EOS with an 80-200mm lens in and got some great photos! Paul McCartney has some kind of magic that just made everyone at the concert happy, something other being a brilliant musician. It truly was an amazing experience...I can now die a happy woman because I have seen at least one Beatle perform! Thank you Sir McCartney, for an amazing show, and thank you, Joan, for letting me tag along!

The Tuesday Discount Club

2010-03-18T21:00:00.002-05:00

Nothing makes you feel old like the first official email about your 20-year high school reunion. Or so I thought. The email came last week, along with my 38^th birthday. I’ve always been a true believer in age is relative and have always embraced my inner child, but 38 has been hard to accept. It just sounds so much like 40. Ha. And my nephew, who is 15, is quick to remind me how close I am to 40. Still, I think I try to stay hip. I text, I tweet, I facebook, I’m still on MySpace. I listen to Lady Gaga – and love her stuff. I’ve played on a Wii. And I still got tons of Snoopy stuff for my birthday and loved it all!

But earlier this week, two things happened (in one day) that have never made me feel older in my life. Tuesday after work my sister met me at a church where I will be taking official wedding photos Saturday so I could take some test shots. It’s my first wedding gig, so I want to be prepared. We had a good time, being silly while we took the practice shots. And the preacher couldn’t have been sweeter – he was quite the talker! At one point, he looked at my sister and asked me if she was my daughter! I just politely said, “No, she’s my baby sister.” In his defense, she is eight years younger and looks like she’s in her early 20s and can sometimes pass for a teenager, believe it or not. Ahhh, I remember when I used to be mistaken for being in my early 20s. Sigh. This has happened before and how do you get mad at a preacher, so I just went about my business.

Jill & I then went to dinner and stopped off at Ross to shop for clothes. She has lost 75 pounds in the last six months, so for the first time in awhile, we weren’t shopping in the same section. It was kind of depressing. It was one of those shopping trips where everything I tried on made me look like a Sumo wrestler. Bleh. I managed to find a couple of things to purchase, so we headed to the register. The cashier asked me if I found everything ok, then proceeded to ask me if I was a member of the Tuesday Discount Club. I slowly looked over at the window where the sign read, “Seniors 55 and up – 10% off on Tuesdays.” I looked back at the cashier and said, “Do I seriously look 55 or over?” Poor girl. She apologized and explained that one time she didn’t ask and the lady got mad, so I guess she thought potentially offending someone was better. Ugh. Somehow I got through the transaction without screaming at her, but told Jill I’d wait in the car. By the time she got there, I was bawling. In the past I probably would have let the cashier have it, but for some reason that night, it simply hurt my feelings. So two times in one day I was mistaken for being 20 years older than I really am.

Booking the Botox appointment next week.

"He Smiled at Me."

2010-02-28T22:55:00.000-06:00

Mom called me yesterday and said, “I think I just saw Jesus on Coyote Trail (the road behind her house)…and he smiled at me." She went on to describe how he looked just like all the drawing and paintings you see of Jesus – long hair, sandals, everything. I kind of laughed at her and told her to call me if Jesus knocked on her door or something. But then mom said something like, “Na, I got what I needed from him – that smile was it.” I got goose bumps immediately.

Mom has been really nervous about what the results of her latest CT scan will show. She’s been taking chemo pills for about two months and we’ll finally find out if they are working. I guess that smile from “Jesus” was just the encouragement and hope she needed right at that moment. Thank you, Jesus.

You cannot shake Austin for good

2010-02-21T11:27:00.001-06:00

On the morning of Thursday, Feb. 18, I sat in a conference room at Seton Hospital’s Administration offices, learning tips on how to be a better writer. When my cell phone buzzed indicating an incoming message, I almost ignored it.

When I clicked open, there were two messages – one from a co-worker and the other a breaking news alert from the Austin American-Statesman, both telling me that a small plane had just hit a building in Northwest Austin. The next message indicated that the building housed the FBI. (This turned out not to be true; the building actually housed the IRS.) My mind immediately went back to the morning of Sept. 11, 2001. I was attending a conference that day as well. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a terrorist attack. I very clearly remember the way I felt when I saw the second plane hit the World Trade Center on TV; I felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me. Like my heart had stopped beating. And fear. Unabashed, pure fear.

Soon, I could see others in the seminar checking their phones, then displaying a look of panic. And just minutes later, a few of the communications folks from Seton were called out of the room. We later heard that two patients were taken to one of their hospitals.

Here’s the run down of what we know: A man named Joseph Stack was angry with the IRS and apparently had fought with his wife the night before. His wife & 12-year-old daughter left their house the night before and stayed in a hotel. Stack apparently set their house on fire, then drove to the Georgetown airport, got in his small plane, loaded an extra fuel container on it, and flew the short distance to Northwest Austin, where he purposefully and at full speed slammed his plane into the Echelon building that housed about 200 IRS employees. Miraculously, only two people died and another person was seriously burned on 20 percent of his body. The building has a huge, gaping hole in it and is completely burned out, all the windows are missing, etc. It is truly a miracle that more lives weren’t lost. The FBI is investigating the incident and officials say this was not a terrorist attack.

It may not have been an official terrorist attack, but what Joseph Stack did was terroristic in my book. He obviously had some serious mental issues; I cannot imagine what kind of anger drives a person to make this decision.

I drive past the intersection where the building stands every day on my way to work. It is so surreal that something like this happened in my hometown, just miles from where I live and work.

I’m so thankful that more lives weren’t lost. From all accounts, all systems worked the way they were supposed to. There was a group of emergency personnel from nearby towns in the county who just happened to be training across the highway in a vacant parking lot…they were able to respond almost immediately. There was the glass company guy who used the ladder on his truck to rescue five people from the burning building. The IRS employees were so well versed in evacuation procedures that they immediately started doing so when the crash happened. The building itself had built in safety mechanisms, like sprinklers, which went off immediately and helped curb the fire. The plane crashed into a part of the building, which was mostly vacant. And of course the emergency personnel in Austin responded swiftly and professionally. All these things lined up and helped keep injuries and fatalities down. Thank God. Joe Stack, your plane crash may have shaken us up a bit, but you cannot shake Austin for good.

Mini Bar

2010-02-05T17:03:00.000-06:00

So my mom, sister and our friend Janie are vacationing in Seattle this week. Today, the hotel housekeeper, holding a basket of goodies, asks mom, "Are you using the mini bar?" And mom tells her yes. "Can I see it?" the housekeeper asks. Mom exclaims, "No!" and closes the door on her. Apparently mom thought the "mini bar" was the small bar of soap in the bathroom! I kid you not, folks. That's Ruby, my momma! ;)

The Rockport Kittehs

2010-01-31T16:19:00.003-06:00

My sister Jill & I visited our friend Julie in Rockport last weekend and as usual, we had a blast. Julie & her boyfriend Eric have four indoor cats and several outdoor cats. Apparently the cats took a liking to me because one morning I woke up with three of them on the futon where I was sleeping. OC (Orange Kitty) pretty much slept on top of me the entire time...I have the scratches to prove it! :) Anyway, here are some photos from our trip: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=144000&id=1243375405&l=3c90d6f48b

Two Dreams, One Night

2010-01-09T10:53:00.005-06:00

Dream #1. Woke up about 4am after dreaming that I was taking a nap on Kim Kardashian’s couch. (Sign I watch too much reality TV?) In the dream, I woke myself up snoring and was too embarrassed to go back to sleep in case Kim heard me. Stared at the walls instead and noticed tiny little black bugs crawling down from the ceiling. Kim & her brother Rob eventually came in the living room and we all tried to figure out where the gross little black bugs were coming from. That’s where it ended.

Weirdest dream ever, so I had to look it up.

Celebrity: To see a particular actor or actress in your dream, look at the role they are playing. Even though you may not know them on a personal level, how you perceive them or the characters they play can provide understanding in how it relates to you.

Bugs: To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby.

Hmmm.

Dream #2. Dreamt about my dad. I usually love dreaming about my dad, but we were traveling in this dream – driving to Amarillo (where I lived for 8 years) – and he was grouchy for some reason. I don’t remember many details, but I remember stopping at a hotel once we got into town and for some reason, we decided not to stay there.

Dad: To see your father in your dream symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father and how aspects of his character may be incorporated within yourself.

Driving: To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are have difficulties in achieving your goals and the changes associated with it. To dream that someone else is driving you, denotes fortune and that you will profit from your superior knowledge and ingenuity.

Hotel: To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

Whoah…this one’s pretty heavy…and probably pretty close to the mark.

Rachelle & Russell

2010-01-03T17:49:00.014-06:00

One of my goals in 2010 is to FINALLY buy a digital SLR camera and start taking photos on the side. I've always loved photography and this is the year! So I started things off right...today I borrowed friend Rachelle's Nikon to take photos of her and her fiance, Russell. They're recently engaged and you can tell that they are in love by the way they look at each other. So sweet. Here are just a few of my favorites from today's photo session...

Caffeine is my shepherd

2009-12-31T11:38:00.003-06:00

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in the lecture hall, it leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz. It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no decaf. For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a tall latte before me in the presence of fatigue. Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life... and I will dwell in the House of Java forever.

~Anonymous

My nephew, the model

2009-12-17T23:29:00.008-06:00

For his 15th birthday, we arranged to have professional photos of my nephew taken. Libby Ann Johnson took these awesome pics of him that can be viewed at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=138473&id=1243375405&l=a8a666037f.

My brother's family

2009-12-17T23:19:00.006-06:00

I recently took some photos of my brother's family for their holiday cards. Thought I'd share my favorite one with you -- I just love the face my nephew is making while they kiss and the way the sun is backlighting them. Tee hee...

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

2009-12-09T11:57:00.005-06:00

Today would have been my Grandpa Doerfler’s 102nd birthday! He passed away about six years ago, but it seems like much longer. I miss him every day, he was quite the character! I recently wrote something about him, his family and the house they lived in for a Parade of Homes in Pflugerville, my hometown. Thought I’d share it with you…enjoy! Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

Bernhardt (Bernie) Otto Doerfler was born December 9, 1907 and married Minnie Sophie Wernli on July 22, 1936. They were parents to two children – Steve and Ruby – and had 10 grandchildren and numerous great grandchildren. In 1962, the Doerflers moved into their new red brick house at 301 South 5th Street in Pflugerville.

Built by a fellow Pflugerville resident, the house sat on more than two acres of plush, green land. Bernie wasted no time planting pecan and oak trees. He was also fond of concrete yard art animals and over the years, he placed statues of deer, chickens, frogs, etc. in his yard. At one point, he had a concrete water fall, a totem poll, a swing and a string of lights in his yard. Known to some as “Doerfler Park,” Bernie’s yard was his pride and joy. He knew every inch of it by heart and continued to mow it with his bright green John Deere riding lawnmower well into his 80s, even after losing his sight to macular degeneration.

Bernie was one of eight children born to John Gottlieb Doerfler and Mary Wuthrich Doerfler, who settled in Pflugerville in 1899. Bernie’s grandparents were Pastor Johann (John) Doerfler, who was born in Germany in 1844, and Salome Schwander, who was born in 1849 in France. Salome arrived in Chicago in 1873 and moved to Texas in 1875; John came to Texas in 1874 and was ordained as a Pastor in 1876. Pastor John Doerfler led the congregation at Zion Lutheran Church in Arneckeville, TX. Apparently, Pastor John and Salome met in Pflugerville while attending a church service, so Pflugerville played an important role in the John Doerfler family. They spent early years in Arneckeville, then moved on to churches in other small Texas towns – Ross Prairie, Temple, Taylor, Walburg and Bartlett. Pastor John retired and the family moved to a farm near Granger, TX. John and Salome built a house in Weir, TX in 1908; most of their children lived near the homestead in Weir, except for John and Mary (Bernie’s parents), who settled in Pflugerville.

The Doerflers were early Lutheran missionaries in Texas. Several of Bernie’s brothers were Lutheran pastors and he served as an elder at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Pflugerville for years. Bernie could recite Bible verses, word for word, and taught himself to play Lutheran hymns on an organ when he was in his 70s. Bernie attended Texas Lutheran College in Seguin and coached the women’s basketball team after graduation.

After marrying Minnie, they settled in Pflugerville, and Bernie worked as a Texaco consignee for over 40 years. He operated three Texaco stations in the Austin area, including one at the corner of Pecan and Railroad in Pflugerville, currently the site of a Shell gas station. Minnie worked as a bookkeeper at the Pflugerville Texaco,until taking a job with the Texas Comptroller’s Office. The Doerflers even named their dog “Tex,” and called him a Texaco mascot.

After retiring from Texaco, Bernie worked as a Bailiff in the 261st District Court at the Travis County Courthouse. He retired in his 80s because Minnie’s health had declined and he needed to be home to care for her. Minnie passed away in November 1993. They were married for 57 years.

Bernie continued to live by himself in his home until the last three years of his life. Caregivers were hired, but eventually his daughter Ruby retired from the state herself and moved in with him, caring for him until his death in April 2003 at the age of 95.

Watching the Little White Dog

2009-11-25T17:45:00.002-06:00

This week I am house and dog sitting this sweet Little White Dog. She’s a cutie, but I must say, can be a handful! She came with two pages of instructions…no joke! I worried maybe it would turn into a Marley & Me scene, but it hasn’t been quite that bad…yet. The first day, the poor thing was still scared and unsure of me. Ironically, I found Marley & Me on HBO…about that time, the Little White Dog climbed up on the chair and curled up with me. Awe. Day Two: On our morning walk, we saw two other dogs approaching with their owners. “Now what did those instructions say to do again,” I thought as I tried to restrain her from lunging at the much larger dogs. I then bent down to pick her up…and immediately remembered the notes. She bites! No worries, I carry Neosporin & band-aids with me, so all is well. Then last night, I stepped out of the living room for a few minutes and could hear the little white dog playing with something. When I walked back into the room, I saw the contents of my purse strewn all around the living room! The dog looked up at me like, “What did you expect me to do when you left your purse where I could reach it?” I gasped, said, “Bad doggie” and started picking up the pieces…ha. Her owners warned me! Stay tuned for more dog sitting tales….

Pink

2009-11-15T09:33:00.004-06:00

Pink was the "new black" a few years ago, but it's still my favorite color. As a kid, my parents could not get me to wear pink for anything, but now, I could wear it everyday, easily. Last week while battling a nasty stomach bug, I also contracted pink eye! Bleh. Pink does NOT look good in my eye, nor does it feel good. Thank God for pink eye medicine, that's all I'm sayin'. I took this picture of my poor little eyes on day two of pink eye.

We raced for the Cure

2009-11-04T23:40:00.004-06:00

Last Friday we found out that my mom's breast cancer is back. This time in her lungs. Two days later, we walked in the Race for the Cure on a team named in her honor, Uby's Boobies. I have so many emotions and fears running through me right now, but I'd rather focus on the positive and fun experience we all had at the Race. I think it boosted mom's spirits...and I hope it will help her fight Round 2 with as much strength and grace as she did last time. Love you, momma.

Rainbows in the Clouds

2009-10-04T03:08:00.001-05:00

“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.” – Maya Angelou

I can't sleep on a Saturday night because I have either really bad allergies or the beginnings of a cold. So I logged onto Twitter. I noticed that "Maya Angelou" was a trending topic and gasped. No, no, no! Please don't tell me that something has happened to my beloved Maya Angelou! I immediately went into super search mode and discovered that she was taken to the hospital for unknown reasons sometime on Saturday. I also found some tweets that say she is ok, but you never know what to believe. So my thoughts & prayers are with Maya Angelou…I pray that she will be ok. And I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to see her speak in person at my alma mater, West Texas A&M University, about six months ago.

I was so moved by her words, but surprisingly, I don’t think I ever wrote about the experience. Maya talked about the importance of finding “rainbows in the clouds.” She marveled at how just a few years ago, she would not have even been allowed to attend a school like WT and now here they were, inviting her to be their honored guest. Then she said, “This University is a rainbow in the clouds.” That’s when my tears started flowing. I don’t think they stopped the entire time she spoke. Her words were just so eloquent, so profound…and Maya just glows on stage. She IS greatness. We are all truly blessed by her presence here on Earth. SHE is a rainbow in the clouds.

- - -

Yesterday my mom had a CT scan because she has completed all of her chemo and radiation and has done well after mastectomy surgery. About 7pm, she received a call from her oncologist, telling her that they found nodules on her lungs. Crap, crap, crap. He said that it could be simply inflammation, but it could also be cancer again. Next week she will undergo a PET scan and maybe a biopsy. My first reaction was extreme anger at cancer and total and complete fear. I REFUSE to lose another parent to cancer. This is NOT cancer. It can’t be. I’m still scared out of my mind, but I’ve steeled myself for the fight, whatever it entails. And I’m keeping my eye out for rainbows in the clouds.

Front Row Seats

2009-09-20T01:11:00.004-05:00

As I sit here watching Steel Magnolias for about the millionth time and the sad part is making me cry for the millionth time, my heart is also aching for a dear friend of mine. Her dad, who was battling lung cancer, passed away yesterday.

It's bringing back a flood of memories for me. I can still remember the emotions of losing my own dad, also to lung cancer, about two and a half years ago. We both watched our fathers fight the disease bravely, for a long time. We watched them suffer. We watched their bodies transform from healthy, strong men to sickly and weak. Unfortunately, we saw them suffer. And it's something you never forget. I wish more than anything that I could take away the feelings I know she's going through right now. I wish no one ever had to feel the loss of a parent - or any loved one, for that matter. But we all have to do it.

I don't know how it all works, but ever since my grandma died in 1993, I've pictured her on the welcoming committee in Heaven, planning the arrival parties and greeting newcomers. I know that sounds silly, but it's truly how I picture it. That, and all of your family and friends who passed before you are there to greet you. Today, I pictured my dad there, to welcome my friend's dad, even though I'm not sure they ever met in person. But I'm positive he was there, to tell him thank you for being a good dad to his daughter who became my friend. For the longest time after my dad died, I pictured him as a kid in Heaven, running around, showing God and the angels how fast he could run. I saw him organizing baseball games and track meets. But after awhile, that feeling left me. Now I simply feel a comforting presence of my dad when I think of him. I know that he is up there watching over all of us. And now my friend's dad is too. They have front row seats to our lives and will be with us forever.

Reminiscing the High Spots

2009-09-15T21:34:00.004-05:00

A few years after my Grandpa D passed away, my mom made the decision to move out of his house. (She had lived there with him the last few years of his life, caring for him.) When we packed up the house, we found this letter that I've typed in below that Grandpa had written to Grandma at some point. I wish it was dated. Judging by his handwriting, it was written before I was born. So it’s old. ;)

We were all so fortunate to have had him in our lives for so long. Grandpa lived to be 95 years old, surviving many years after grandma passed away. They were married for 57 years when grandma died. She was the love of his life. Grandpa was one of the greatest characters I’ve ever known. (Actually all of my grandparents are great characters!) He was short and probably weighed 120 pounds at his heaviest, but he had a very big presence. He worked for Texaco well into his senior years, then became a Bailiff at the Travis County courthouse, working until Glaucoma took his eyesight at about the age of 88.

He was known for his one acre, meticulously cared for, plush green yard and was a notorious flirt. But he was also a very religious man – he could tell you where to find any verse in the Bible. He prayed every single night (out loud) and always included people most of us would be cursing rather than praying for. Instead of saying “thank you,” he would say, “bless you.” And he would say it to everyone. So I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising that this letter he wrote is so sappy. I have to say that if I received a letter like this from a man in today’s world, I would roll my eyes and ask him what his real motive was. It’s sad, but true. People don’t write letters anymore. It’s a lost art. So, to celebrate Grandma & Grandpa’s love and the art of writing letters, here it is:

Dearest:

After reminiscing the high spots of this last year, I find there is only one outstanding fact, (that’s you). I’ve found my happiness in you; and now at Christmastime I feel like I ought to do everything a man can do, for you. However I have chosen the shortest and most pleasant method of showing my appreciation and affection. Dearest, this little gift, I call it little because I’m comparing my love for you to this gift and I find the gift short. Therefore increase its quantity billions and billions of times and you have only a fifth of my love for you.

Now let me add that this gift isn’t how I value your Love either because no gift can recompense your love but let this be a slight indication of how I value your Love and Minnie Dearest, I pray God that our Love shall ever increase, never die, and that we shall grow to a more Devine, and more human understanding. May God give us happiness forever.

Dearest I hope you will be able to use this traveling case occasionally and that you may benefit by possessing it. I give you this with all my Love.

Affectionately yours forever,
Bernie

It's a sign!

2009-08-30T03:35:00.003-05:00

Spotted a sign this week that cracked me up, mostly because I am going to start Weight Watchers again on Monday. Ugh. As anyone who has done it knows, trying to lose weight...well, it just sucks. It's hard. And if you're like me and have like 100 lbs to lose, it just seems so unattainable. So when I saw this sign, it cheered me up for a moment. Then reality sunk in again. Sigh.

Dog Sitting Round 2

2009-08-30T03:10:00.006-05:00

I spent part of this week dog sitting too -- this time for my mom & sister who were out of town for a few days. Cali, the Alpha dog, is a rat terrier who loves the sound of her voice. Hero is a 90 lb. Dalmation who lives up to his name because he is the one who brought my mom's attention to her breast cancer. These dogs are spoiled to say the least. All animals in our family are spoiled! (Although my little Bridget is feeling a little neglected since I've been dog sitting so much lately.) Anyway, I had a good couple days with Hero & Cali, except for one pretty rough thunderstorm that spooked them. I woke up the next morning with both dogs huddled as close to me as possible. There's something so cute about when dogs use pillows just like humans. Took these with my phone, so they're not the greatest.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

2009-08-22T15:23:00.007-05:00

Well, my dog & cat sitting duties ended today and I found it hard to leave the little black dog. For whatever reason, I have really bonded with Dexter. Course he's a happy dog and seems to love everybody, but I know that he thinks I'm special too. :) I survived the week and enjoyed snuggling with Dexter at night...except for last night, when he just DID NOT want to sleep! Dexter & Carter both said goodbye to me when I left, but Abby kept her distance. It was so cute! I'm back home now and my own little gray & white cat, Bridget, is sooooo happy to see me. And I'm happy to see her too.

2009-08-22T00:36:00.001-05:00

It's my last night dog sitting and the little black dog doesn't want to sleep. Do you think he knows?

Girls can rock!

2009-08-21T20:00:00.007-05:00

Last night I was lucky enough to see The Donnas, Blondie & Pat Benatar concert here in Austin with my friend Robin. I can't even remember the last concert I went to, so I was excited. We had a great time! Pat Benatar was awesome & hasn't aged a day! Here are some really bad pics from my camera phone.

Veggie Bouquet

2009-08-19T21:36:00.003-05:00

Check out the veggie bouquet my sister and my mom made to take into mom's office! Broccoli, cauliflower, alfalfa sprouts, carrots, celery, cucumbers, radishes, olives, tomatoes and yellow bell peppers. Yum! And guess what? They gave me some of the leftovers! Woo hoo!

Adventures in dog & cat sitting continued...

2009-08-19T21:27:00.002-05:00

Well, I've had some much-appreciated (and much-needed) help from Aunt Becky the last few days. She loves dogs and is really good with them, so she's been coming over to play with the little black dog and walk him. On one of her walks after he did his business, Aunt Becky saw what she thought looked like worms. Ack! So, being the wonderful woman she is, she called his vet and took him in today to get a shot and a pill to kill any fleas he might have on him. A big thank you to Aunt Becky for taking care of Dexter (and the rest of us, really) so well! :)

The cats are still really nervous and acting like they're starving to death. Last night, I caught them digging in the kitchen trash! With their parents' permission, I bought them some dry food to put in their self feeder...boy did they gobble that up! Happy kitties. Er, a little happier, anyway.

Tomorrow night, Aunt Becky and my sister are taking turns watching the little black dog & the kitties because I am going to the Pat Benatar & Blondie concert! Woo hoo! I feel a little guilty and like I'm shirking my sitting responsibilities...na, I'm over it. I am simply sharing the joy of hanging out with these adorable animals with others, right? ;)

Meanwhile, I am spending about an hour at my own place, to give MY kitty some love. She's used me being gone all the time and very independent, thankfully, but I still feel bad. Signing off now to pet her...

Sweet Doggy

2009-08-18T00:16:00.005-05:00

Is that a smile on his face? Probably dreaming about pouncing on cats!

Too tired to blog

2009-08-18T00:05:00.006-05:00

This dog & cat sitting thing is wearing me out. I didn't realize how easy I have it with just a fat, 15-year-old cat at home. She might be grouchy, but she is very low-maintenance. Tonight Dexter just wanted to play, play, play. He constantly pounces on Carter, the black cat, who finally took refuge in the laundry hamper. Abby pretty much stays to herself, but came downstairs tonight to lounge.

Adventures in Dog Sitting...Day One

2009-08-16T02:05:00.003-05:00

Well, day one of dog sitting (and cat sitting) is over and the little black dog is finally asleep. At 2am. It hasn't been too bad -- I've only cleaned up one mess, chased one cat when it ran out the front door and learned that the little black dog doesn't like to sleep or even nap anywhere but his mom & dad's bed. We played with the laser pointer for a long time...hours of fun for the animals! Wish me luck, I'm already exhausted. Only 6 more days to go!

Adventures in dog sitting...

2009-08-15T10:33:00.004-05:00

Ok, wish me luck friends. I'll be dog sitting my brother's little black dog, Dexter, all week while they are on vacation. He's still very much a puppy, so he'll keep me on my toes, I'm sure. I'll try to blog about my adventures in dog sitting. :)

I heart flash mobs

2009-08-15T10:24:00.004-05:00

I may be slow, but I'm just now learning to appreciate the beauty of the flash mob. What is a flash mob, you ask? You've probably seen the You Tube videos -- it's where large groups of people in public places like train stations or Times Square suddenly burst out into dance and a song is played over the PA system. I think the first video I saw was The Sound of Music. Anyway, I never knew what these little performances were called until very recently, so I wanted to share my favorite with you: it's a scene from one of my favorite shows, Weeds. Ok, I know this one was choreographed professionally, but it's still my fave. :)

All because two people fell in love...

2009-08-13T12:04:00.003-05:00

I love this story that ran on NBC last night and this morning about the iconic Woodstock couple featured on the soundtrack album from Woodstock.

Maybe it was the Conga Line

2009-08-11T23:01:00.006-05:00

Ever since we debarked from our first cruise, I’ve felt like I’m still on the ship – I have this constant sense of motion, like I’m swaying back and forth. After about four days, I got a little worried and looked it up. Apparently, there’s a condition called mal de debarquement that some people get. It can last three weeks or three years…or never go away! I was panicked. It was making me a nervous wreck. My co-workers & friends laughed at me and said things like, “You haven’t gotten your sea legs back!” Ha. I don’t want sea legs! I want land legs and now! It got so bad last Friday that I had to leave work early – I even felt it while I was driving…eek!

The last three days have been much better. The only time I still feel that way now is when I’m taking a shower, brushing my teeth or using the restroom. (I guess anytime I’m using water!) It could be dangerous since sometimes I feel like I might fall over, but oh well. Overall, I had a great time with Jill & Julie on the cruise…we always have a good time. I’m not sure it’s my preferred method of travel, but at least I tried it.

I alluded to this in an earlier post about the cruise, but thought I’d elaborate. I managed to control motion sickness on the ship, but on our excursion in Cozumel, all bets were off. First of all, those prescription patches that are supposedly waterproof are no match for my sweat! Mine kept coming off and I’d find it on my shirt, on my pants and reapply it. I guess I should have known it wouldn’t be as effective after that. When we docked in Cozumel, we were amazed at how blue the water looked. I was actually looking forward to spending an entire day in the hot sun wearing my bathing suit and cover up. If you know me, you know that would normally be a day in hell for me. But I was looking forward to snorkeling and walking around the shops in the city. I remember snapping some pictures on the little catamaran on our way to snorkel and then all of a sudden starting to feel sick. Really sick. Like I’m not gonna make it to the little restroom downstairs sick. I think someone brought me some soda and the sugary taste just made it worse. Finally, the boat stopped moving and everyone said I’d feel better in the water. Well, I’d never snorkeled before and never even worn flippers before, so I was a little nervous. To top it off, there were like 80 of us on the boat, all swimming in this sectioned off area in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. As Jill said, it felt like a rescue situation. Initially, getting in the water did feel nice. And then I put my mask on and tried to snorkel. That’s when I got sick and “fed the fish” – let’s just say fish like eggs benedict. I tried to stay away from the others as I continued to get sick in the ocean, but I guess they were following the fish…and the fish were following me! I eventually gave up and one of the divers swam me back into the catamaran. A few minutes later, Jill followed. She “fed the fish” too! I guess we’re just not ocean people. Julie had a great time, though.

The boat then took us to a private island with hammocks, beach chairs, water floats, kayaks, all sorts of fun or relaxing stuff. I would have been happy with the beach. But just about the time I started feeling better, we were loaded back onto the catamaran and they sped back to the pier. Immediate nausea. I just laid down on one of the benches, blocking my face with my “Dude, It’s Not That Hard” fan from work. Got a sunburn on the underside of my arm from that trip.

And the last thing I wanted to feel on our ride back was the “rhythm of the island!” Ahh yes, the other passengers giddy from their nausea-free, glorious day of fun in the sun snorkeling, swimming and drinking margaritas, began a festival of line dancing, loud music…and a conga line. You might think a conga line would cheer anyone up, but let me tell you, that was the last thing I needed. I vaguely remember peering out from under my fan and seeing the conga line – from the chest to the knees only – dance by. I think I looked up at Julie & Jill and threatened to harm the conga-ers at that point. It’s a miracle I didn’t get sick again on that boat, but somehow I made it back to land. And what did I do? I walked back to the comforts of the big ship and crashed in our little cabin, R98, for about four hours. Secretly, that might have been the best part of our trip. ;)

The rest of my pics from Cozumel

2009-08-06T10:40:00.001-05:00

Watch the slideshow here.

My first cruise

2009-08-04T17:25:00.010-05:00

I just returned from my first ever cruise! Me, my sister and our friend Julie went on a 4-day cruise to Cozumel. I learned that me & big boats are ok, but me & little boats is NOT a good mix. I got sick, sick, sick on our snorkeling excursion in the Caribbean Sea. Jill got sick shortly after I did. But Julie was fine and really enjoyed it, thankfully! I never even got to snorkel, but Jill and I did "feed the fish" so to speak. I was really bummed because the water was crystal blue and absolutely gorgeous.

Here are just a few pictures from our trip. More to come.

The Lido deck - pool, hot tub, 24-hour buffet, etc.

View from the ship...look at that blue water!

Our ship, The Fantasy, next to another ship, The Ecstacy, while docked in Cozumel.

Hammocks on the beautiful beach we spent a little time on in Cozumel.

My mom, the rock star continued

2009-07-17T20:18:00.003-05:00

Quick update on my mom for those who follow my blog. She is doing really well. It's been a week and two days since her mastectomy and she hasn't taken pain meds for days. She's up moving around, sweeping, loading & unloading the dishwasher, even watering plants outside. She tires easily, but that's to be expected. Her hair is growing like crazy and it's coming in this beautiful, shiny white color. She seems to be healing nicely and she has a great attitude. God must pick people carefully to give the challenge of breast cancer because she has been such a trouper! I had no idea she had this kind of strength in her. I knew she was an awesome mom, but seriously, she is amazing! I pray that I have half her strength if I ever need it.

RIP, Walter Cronkite

2009-07-17T20:07:00.003-05:00

I wasn't even alive when iconic news man Walter Cronkite interrupted "my" soap opera, As The World Turns, to tell the nation that President Kennedy had died. But that grainy, black & white video is the first thing I think of when I hear the name Cronkite. Maybe it's because of my journalism background. A requirement of sorts. He was once named "the most trusted man in America," in a time when we still trusted journalists. The way the profession has changed almost made me completely switch majors. But I held on. I believed that there were still good stories to tell. And that there are still reputable, professional journalists out there. I now work in public relations and it's true. I work with lots of journalists and most of them are salt of the earth, hard-working news hounds. I love working with them, actually. Turns out the hardest part of my job is convincing other people that not all journalists are bad. I doubt PR people ever had to do that in Walter Cronkite's day. RIP, Walter Cronkite. We already miss you.

We Had Him

2009-07-09T23:31:00.005-05:00

I love Maya Angelou and in late April, I was lucky enough to hear her speak in person at my alma mater, West Texas A&M University in Canyon, Texas. I haven't blogged about the experience yet...I guess I'm waiting until I have time to perfect what I want to say. Angelou's words almost always move me to tears. The poem that she wrote memorializing Michael Jackson was no different. It reminded me how fragile life is and although written specifically for Michael Jackson, it made me think about my dad and my grandparents. We are all here on loan. I feel so lucky to have had my loved ones -- and for that matter, icons like Michael Jackson and Maya Angelou -- in my life, even if in a small way.

Here is the text of "We Had Him" and a video of Queen Latifah reading it at the memorial service:

We Had Him
by Dr. Maya Angelou

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing,

now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.

Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace.

Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing.

No clocks can tell time.

No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.

Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.

Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.

He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.

Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.

He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style.

We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.

We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.

His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.

And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.

We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing.

He gave us all he had been given.
Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana’s Black Star Square.

In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England We are missing Michael.

But we do know we had him, and we are the world.

My mom, the rock star

2009-07-08T23:56:00.002-05:00

My mom is a rock star. How come I never knew before how strong she is?

From the hospital...

2009-07-08T16:57:00.003-05:00

Mom's in her hospital room, still sleeping. She looks good. Watched the nurse empty the drain & it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Incision looks good according to the medical people, but terrible to me. It's a barbaric surgery. I just pray that all the cancer is gone!

Out of surgery!

2009-07-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

They just finished mom's surgery & she went through it great! She's in recovery & then will go to a room soon. Thank God!

Headed into surgery...

2009-07-08T10:17:00.004-05:00

Mom just went into surgery. She's in good spirits, already making jokes & everything. I have lots of confidence in her medical team...they are all very nice and good at what they do.

Before the hospital...

2009-07-08T06:48:00.007-05:00

I have so many things I need to blog about, but I've been so busy! Today is my mom's mastectomy surgery. She has been so brave through her chemo treatments & I know that she will do well in surgery & recovery too. I can tell my mom is nervous, but she even got up and cleaned out the fridge this morning! 6:48 a.m. and almost time to leave for the hospital. Prayers, please.

The synesthesia diet

2009-06-28T12:46:00.001-05:00

Synesthesia is a fascinating condition that causes patients to have strange reactions, like they may be able to taste words, hear shapes, or taste a certain color when they see it. I tried saying several words out loud to see if I had this condition, but the only time I even remotely had a reaction was when I said the word, “pickle.” My mouth watered. I don’t think that’s the same thing. It occurred to me, though, that if we could bottle this condition, it would be the best diet ever. For example, let’s say every time I saw the color red, I tasted chocolate cake. Voila. No need to actually eat the cake because I’ve already tasted it! Or if I heard a warning bell sound every time a cute guy with a guitar showed up, then I’d have an extra warning to stay far, far away! (Ok, just kidding about this one.) But seriously, if I could just look at something and satisfy my cravings for pizza, chips and queso, hamburgers, Mexican food and chocolate, I’d have no problem losing weight. I’m gonna try to close my eyes and focus really hard next time I want to eat something bad for me (which should be anytime now) and try to taste it. I may be on to something here!

Poker Face

2009-06-27T09:38:00.003-05:00

Don't you hate it when you find yourself singing along to a pop song you once hated? Ugh. That's exactly what's happened to me with Lady GaGa's "Poker Face." The first time I heard it, it woke me up on my alarm clock and I literally shot out of bed and was like, "What the heck is that?" Since then, it's grown on me. Turns out, critics love it and many artists have already covered it. Today I found this orchestral, instrumental version of the song...it's actually really beautiful.

I also really love this version where Queen Latifah adds her own flair:

However, I know the song can be annoying in it's usual, radio version. My sister summed it up best once when she said, "It makes me wanna POKE HER FACE!" :)

They gave us all they had to give

2009-06-25T22:48:00.003-05:00

I've fallen down on my blogging job lately, but today we lost two icons of American culture -- Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson -- so I feel I had to write something. Tonight I found a copy of a column I wrote for my college paper in 1993 about Michael Jackson. It was before the child molestation charges, before many of the plastic surgeries. It's not great writing, but I still feel the same way. Michael Jackson was a musical genius who probably had a tortured soul after a lifetime in a cruel biz. There won't be another Michael Jackson. And there won't be another Farrah Fawcett, either. RIP, Farrah and Michael. You will be missed. Fellow musician, Lenny Kravitz, said it best with a lovely tribute to Michael Jackson tonight on Twitter.

Walk of Fame

2009-06-19T04:30:00.003-05:00

My future husband, John Cusack, will soon have his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce announced their 2010 honorees yesterday. John will be joined by a few other of my favorites like Adam Sandler, Bryan Adams, ZZ Top and Van Morrison. So prooud of ya, John! ;)

Paper finds pilot's secret past

2009-06-16T00:05:00.002-05:00

Today, the Austin American-Statesman ran a second article about an 81-year old female pilot who they had featured in story last week. After the feature story ran, they were tipped off that the woman had once been convicted of murdering her six year-old son! Here’s the paper’s editorial about why they do background checks and why this information didn't show up originally. Like the woman says, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but I have to say that killing a child is not something I find easy to forgive. There are some mistakes that don’t ever need to come out of the closet, but murder isn’t one of them.

Articles about the pilot:
Flying high at 81

Pilot has skeletons in closet

2009-06-13T09:06:00.001-05:00

Testing out how to blog from my Blackberry.

The son of Evil Knievel Jumps in front of Capitol!

2009-06-13T08:53:00.002-05:00

Last night in Austin, Evil Knievel's son Robbie jumped over two 18-Wheeler trucks in front of the Capitol. The stunt kicked off the annual Republic of Texas (ROT) Rally. Our fair city is literally covered with thousands of motorcycle riders this weekend. We were talking at work yesterday about how out of all the groups of people who visit Austin for events, the ROT Rally people are the nicest. They may be draped in leather and covered in tattoos and you can hear the roar of their motorcycles for miles away, but they love being here for the ROT Rally and for the most part are respectful to the locals...nevermind that they spend thousands of dollars here. (That helps boost tax revenues, which ultimately pays my salary!) The guests for ACL and SXSW have become downright snotty and entitled. Locals don't really get to enjoy either of these festivals anymore. Anyway, I wish I could have seen Robbie's jump last night. What a cool way to kick off the weekend. I'll be travelling to Houston and attemping to blog from the road. We'll see how that goes. :)

Shades of Gray

2009-06-08T22:42:00.004-05:00

Today a good friend sent me an email trying to explain her political beliefs, which apparently lean to the extreme right. I’ve always tried to be open-minded and have never fallen to the extreme left or the extreme right of any issue. While I do fall more to the left than the right, to me, there are always circumstances to consider and I have a really hard time saying something is either black or white. Even things I am really passionate about are never black or white.

To quote the 1986 C. Thomas Howell movie Soul Man and the song Shades of Gray, “Today there is no black or white, only shades of gray.” That’s pretty much how I see the world and the issues we all face – in shades of gray. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around radical thoughts one way or the other. And frankly, radicals and conspiracy theorists scare me. A lot. For example, how can killing a man in a church because he is an abortion doctor be the right thing to do? If you oppose abortion and think that it is murder, how can murdering someone to prove your point be right? I don't get it.

Don’t get me wrong – I am all for questioning the status quo and ensuring that our leaders are on the best path for all of us. And sometimes I wish I could see things in black and white; it would make things easier. The Billy Joel lyrics below sum up how I feel:
“Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see.”

Where else would you find burnt orange loaves of bread?

2009-06-08T22:08:00.002-05:00

I've been on a dream kick lately and I never posted this one in my blog, so I thought I'd share. Apparently I typed it up when I woke up that morning; I just found it in my files.

Dream 5/17/09
Appearing: me, my sister and my brother + my dad our step mom.
Details: We all went to “UT buffet” on the UT campus to eat dinner, but it was almost 9pm.
The manager made an exception and sent us through the line. We all got drinks and free burnt orange loaves of bread. (Ha!)

The buffet was in this giant building created in a circle and you had to walk all the way around, passing other UT depts. along the way. We passed the Radio, TV & Film dept. as we walked around the buffet line. They were filming a news cast and I think we all waved hello as we passed them. By the time we got to the actual food buffet, they were closed with their lights off. We were all livid because the manager told us we could go through the line.

That’s all I remember, but there was more to the dream.

Weird dream, as usual.

Oliver Twist

2009-06-08T06:50:00.003-05:00

I've really been dreaming a lot lately. Odd, vivid dreams. Saturday night I dreamt that I was trapped on some big compound, living with a cult. Scary. Last night I dreamt that I bought a big, white, shaggy dog from a man off Craig's List. I named him Oliver Twist or Ollie. Not the kind of dog I would normally go for, but in the dream, he was super sweet and kind of looked like this:

Stupid is as stupid does

2009-05-31T09:37:00.002-05:00

OMG. This 29 year-old guy just can't figure out how he ended up with 21 kids with 11 women. It's called stupidity, dude. Somebody buy the man some condoms, please. And wake up, women of Tennessee...do not have sex with this man!

Jay Leno is a class act

2009-05-30T23:46:00.003-05:00

Jay Leno is a class act. He ended his run on the Tonight Show highlighting some of what he's done over the years, invited James Taylor to sing & had his replacement, Conan O'Brien stop by. But what most impressed me was how he wants the legacy of his show to be about the families who were formed during the show -- he gathered the children of all his staff members who met, fell in love and had kids over the years...and that's how he signed off. Very cool. You rock, Jay Leno.

Finally! An answer to why the chicken crossed the road!

2009-05-28T22:39:00.002-05:00

Donuts, of course!

I'm editing songs now...Oy vey!

2009-05-28T18:27:00.005-05:00

So today while driving in my car, I hear the song, “I Need A Lover” and catch myself singing along to it. I guess I’ve never really listened to the words before. First I noticed that it’s grammatically incorrect and says, “I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy,” instead of “I need a lover who won’t drive me crazy.” I chalked that up to just being a grammar nerd.

Then I realize he’s singing, “Some girl that knows the meaning of, ah-Hey hit the highway!” What?!?!? Did some of the guys I’ve dated lately write this song? Nope, it was written by none other than John Cougar Mellencamp – in 1979! The lyrics get better…he goes on to say, “Some girl who’ll thrill me and then go away!”

So what I learned from this song is that apparently men don’t care about grammar – at least not while writing music – and pretty much have always been this way! Sigh…..

I Need A Lover lyrics
(instrumental)

I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy

Some girl that knows the meaning of, ah-Hey hit the highway!

Well I’ve been walking the streets in the evenin’

Racin’ through the human jungle at night

I’m so confused, my mind is indifferent

Hey - I’m so weak, won’t somebody shut off that light?

Electricity runs thru the video

And I watch it from this hole I call home

And all them stonies are dancin to the radio

And I got the world callin me up free tonight on the phone

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

Some girl who’ll thrill me and then go away

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

Some girl that knows the meaning of ah-Hey hit the highway!

Well I’m not wiped out by this poolroom life I’m livin'

I’m gonna quit this job, and go to school, and head back home (head back home)

Now I’m not asking to be loved or be forgiven

Hey - I just cant face shakin' in this bedroom one more night alone

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

Some girl that knows the meaning of ah-Hey hit the highway!

(instrumental)

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

Some girl to thrill me and then go away

(I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy)

Some girl that knows the meaning of ah-Hey hit the highway!

You betcha.

Why it's Important to Answer Booty Calls!

2009-05-26T19:02:00.003-05:00

The headline says it all: Man accused of stealing from woman who didn’t answer “booty call.”
This guy was determined to get something outta that booty call! Geez, this takes stupid criminal to a new level.

Change is Gonna Come

2009-05-25T09:07:00.002-05:00

I had another dream about moving. I don't remember the details this time, other than hanging clothes in my new closet. I dreamt about moving just a few days ago and apparently dreaming about moving "signifies your desire or need for change" or that you seek independence or are ready to move on to something new. I've already mastered the being independent thing, so that can't be it. And I've had enough change in the last two years of my life to last a lifetime. But as they say, change is one of the things we can always count on. I'm not sure what changes are ahead, but I can't help but hum the great Sam Cooke song, "Change is Gonna Come."

No one at home in the Texas House

2009-05-25T09:00:00.003-05:00

This is video posted on the Austin American-Statesman of the Texas Legislature. I realize they have long, boring days and this was over a holiday weekend, but this is just ridiculous. None of them are at their seats! No wonder nothing ever gets done. What a joke.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1494874918?bctid=24154221001

And then when they called for mandatory attendance in order to vote, watch what happens:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1494874918?bctid=24161754001

Happy Birthday to my baby brother!

2009-05-23T16:10:00.002-05:00

I can't believe my "baby" brother is 34 today! And my sister will be 30 in September! Sure makes the older sister feel old!

Happy Birthday, brother! Love ya!

Dream a little dream

2009-05-23T15:54:00.004-05:00

I’ve had weird dreams the last two nights. My dad was in both of them and whenever I dream about him, I don’t want to wake up. I dream about him once or twice a month and we’re always just kinda hanging out, just him and me. I guess that’s what I miss most about my dad – he made me feel comfortable and safe and knew me better than anyone. I think I dream about him when I’m under stress and need to feel safe.

Dream #1
The night before last, I dreamt that me, my sister, my brother and his girlfriend went on a trip. At the airport flying back home, we all got separated so I never saw if everyone got on the plane. We all had seats away from each other. Actually, none of us ever saw my sister at the airport and she wasn't answering her phone, so we were worried that she didn't catch the plane. (Not sure why she wasn't with us) The flight attendants would not tell me if she was on the plane. I never saw my brother and his girlfriend during the flight, but I assumed they caught the flight since I'd seen them in the airport.

At the end of the flight, everyone had to use their credit cards to check out, using a machine at the top of one of the seats in the mid section of the plane. It was weird and held everyone up. But after I stood up, I found an old credit card of my brother’s, bent and lying on the floor under my seat. Then, I looked in the seat I had just been sitting in and saw his wallet, tucked under a fold in the fabric. A flight attendant saw me pick it up and grabbed it from me and even after I showed her ID, she wouldn’t let me keep the wallet. I still didn’t see them and the plane was completely full, so I was getting worried. I tried calling all three of them but of course they hadn't turned on their phones yet. Then someone in the front part of the plane found a cell phone under a seat and it was my brother’s! Now I was really worried, but they made me de-board the plane. The airport was extremely crowded and I still could not find them. People were whizzing past me, bumping into me and yelling at me, but I was not about to budge until I found my siblings and my brother’s girlfriend. About the time I started to have a panic attack in the airport, I woke up!

What Dream #1 Means (according to the Internet) Airport - To see a busy airport in your dream signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure. Lost - To dream that someone else is lost represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Dream #2

Last night I dreamt that my family was helping me move into this little place that was connected to a warehouse or maybe it was a storage facility. It had a gravel driveway and people would drive by to go down the road to whatever the other facility was. The location was odd, but the place was really cute. I have moving dreams every now and again and I always dream about leaving something behind. It’s usually family heirlooms and I have to go back to my maternal grandparents’ house to get it. That must mean something. Longing for the past, maybe?

Anyway, I know the entire family was there, but at the end of the day it was just dad and me. I can’t tell you how many times dad helped me move over the years, so this makes sense. We were laughing and he was teasing me like he used to about being a packrat. We were exhausted, but having a good time unpacking in my new place.

Then we decided to go get some dinner. Dad was driving the old family blue and white 1979 Chevy Blazer (we all drove it at one point) and all of a sudden while he was driving, he slumped over and lost consciousness. I struggled to grab the wheel, pull over and hit the brakes…it was extremely stressful! I immediately called 9-1-1 and drove to the ER. Once there, they whisked him away to a room. I think I called my brother and sister at this point and for some reason, they told me I should go ahead and leave the hospital. I think I had to take my mom to a doctor’s appointment or something too. When I got done with that, I called grandma and pop to see if they knew how dad was doing. Pop was crying (something I’ve never seen or heard) and grandma was at the hospital with dad. All I remember from there was getting back to the hospital and seeing grandma. Dad was still in surgery or the other room, but we couldn’t get any information from the staff. I woke up feeling very anxious, but then happy that I’d gotten to see my dad in my dream.

What Dream #2 Means (according to the Internet) To dream that you are moving away signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship and you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence. A hospital is a place of healing. Your dream may offer you cures to improve your psychological or physical health. Observe in which department your dream is set – it may give you important clues to the nature of your problem. You may need some rest or may be trying to recover from a psychological wound that requires inner healing. Or perhaps the dream has a warning about your physical health? Does the dream offer a cure? Does it suggests a healthier behavior pattern or diet? They called Edgar Cayce ‘the sleeping prophet’ because he would fall asleep and answer questions put to him about the health of people he had never met. He gave startlingly accurate diagnoses and his revolutionary treatments and cures are still being used and researched today. Hidden within our dreams are the keys to spiritual, psychological and physical health.

Hmmm…

Don't pee on Old Faithful

2009-05-16T23:13:00.002-05:00

I have to say, these idiots didn't get the right punishment. Would have been better if Old Faithful had awakened right at that moment and spit their pee right back on 'em!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30765586/?GT1=43001