This week I got a reminder that things are not always what they seem. About six-seven years ago I worked with a group of fantastically talented girls, all a little younger than me. It was a great team – very energetic, creative and innovative. We became friends and we had a lot of fun working together. Eventually, we all moved on to bigger and better things. And I watched as each one of these ladies fell in love and got married (with the exception of one who was already married to the love of her life), had babies and/or puppies, moved into beautiful homes, traveled to exotic locations, and watched their careers flourish. As happy as I am for all of them, I have to admit that I have been childishly jealous. I’m not knocking my life, but look at it on paper – city government employee who is underpaid and hasn’t gotten a raise in several years, lives alone in a 650 sq ft apartment with her cat, in debt up to my eyeballs and sporting really bad credit, still single (but still looking) and driving around in a five year old car (that I still love) and my big vacation this year is to Omaha, Nebraska! (However, I am going to Omaha to see a dear friend I haven’t seen in years and I am very excited about it…it’s just not Tuscany, ya know?)
I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others and I know I’m not supposed to be jealous, but I guess it’s human nature. These girls work their butts off, they deserve every bit of happiness and success, so don’t get me wrong…I love all of them and I am so happy for them, but let’s face it, I was green with envy. I’ve also been comparing myself to former classmates as my 20-year high school reunion is coming up. I guess I’m just in a period of self-reflection. I think I’ve just been going through the motions, especially these last few years. There was dad’s cancer…and then he died which really through me for a loop. I was in a fog for at least a year. And since January 2009, there’s been mom’s cancer battle. Sure, there’s been other stuff in there, but if I had to tell you what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years, it would be hard to say. I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I’ve never been married, I don’t have any kids…heck, I don’t even own a home. But on the other hand, I’ve also never been divorced, never had to worry that my kid was going to make the wrong choice, and I’ve never had my home taken away from me…ha! How’s that for putting a positive spin on things?
Back to that reminder I got this week. I found out that one of my friends’ parents split up after almost 40 years of marriage. Her dad, who had just weeks before toasted her and her husband on their one year wedding anniversary, had been cheating on her mom with a woman he met in a class. Her parents were both retired and they were supposed to be in their golden years, traveling and enjoying life. And then, POW! Life changed. My parents were divorced after 23 years of marriage…I was in college and it was painful, but thank God nothing like what my friend is going through. It was a reality check for me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for not making as much money, not living in a nice big house, not being married, not being able to travel. But I would much rather not have all those things then to have to go through what their family is going through right now.
I am going to try to remember that everyone has a cross to bear. No matter how lucky you think they might be, we all have terrible, traumatic events happen in our lives. And a big fancy house or a big fancy job won’t solve that. My heart goes out to my friend and her family. I can only imagine the pain and confusion they are feeling right now.
I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others and I know I’m not supposed to be jealous, but I guess it’s human nature. These girls work their butts off, they deserve every bit of happiness and success, so don’t get me wrong…I love all of them and I am so happy for them, but let’s face it, I was green with envy. I’ve also been comparing myself to former classmates as my 20-year high school reunion is coming up. I guess I’m just in a period of self-reflection. I think I’ve just been going through the motions, especially these last few years. There was dad’s cancer…and then he died which really through me for a loop. I was in a fog for at least a year. And since January 2009, there’s been mom’s cancer battle. Sure, there’s been other stuff in there, but if I had to tell you what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years, it would be hard to say. I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I’ve never been married, I don’t have any kids…heck, I don’t even own a home. But on the other hand, I’ve also never been divorced, never had to worry that my kid was going to make the wrong choice, and I’ve never had my home taken away from me…ha! How’s that for putting a positive spin on things?
Back to that reminder I got this week. I found out that one of my friends’ parents split up after almost 40 years of marriage. Her dad, who had just weeks before toasted her and her husband on their one year wedding anniversary, had been cheating on her mom with a woman he met in a class. Her parents were both retired and they were supposed to be in their golden years, traveling and enjoying life. And then, POW! Life changed. My parents were divorced after 23 years of marriage…I was in college and it was painful, but thank God nothing like what my friend is going through. It was a reality check for me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for not making as much money, not living in a nice big house, not being married, not being able to travel. But I would much rather not have all those things then to have to go through what their family is going through right now.
I am going to try to remember that everyone has a cross to bear. No matter how lucky you think they might be, we all have terrible, traumatic events happen in our lives. And a big fancy house or a big fancy job won’t solve that. My heart goes out to my friend and her family. I can only imagine the pain and confusion they are feeling right now.
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