Praying for a Miracle

It's been awhile since I've blogged. To say I've been busy is an understatement. When I look back on this time in my life, I wonder what parts of it I will remember. Hopefully the good parts, not the stressful, painful parts that seem to be the norm right now. 

I wrote the paragraph below on my cell phone, while lying in a bed in my cousin's house in Houston with my mom the day after we visited MD Anderson for the first time. We'd reached the end of our treatment options in Austin and we were hoping for good news. We didn't get it, not really. MD Anderson, known for not believing in the world terminal, told us that her cancer is terminal. We were devastated. But, there was a tiny glimmer of hope - a clinical trial that has already helped several other women with the exact same rare form of breast cancer that mom has. They were clear that there's still no cure, but they were excited about the results they'd seen so far in the trial. We left Houston the next day, not knowing yet if mom would be accepted into the clinical trial.

September 20, 2010: I'm lying here thinking that this might be the last time I ever share a bed with my mom. Funny how I don't mind that her leg has meandered over into my space or that her pointy elbow is dangerously close to my head. She's moaning and snoring and it sounds beautiful to me. I wish she was talking in her sleep like she was last night. I wish I could bottle up these special times with her and make them last longer. I wish I could take back every fight I've ever had with her. I'll stop typing now to pray for a miracle.

Video Killed the Radio Star

I got to spend some quality time today with my nephew, who just turned 16. I cannot believe he is already 16, taking driver's ed, planning for college, etc. I swear I was just 16, wasn't I? Amazing how time flies. And interesting how things have changed. Here's a conversation we had in the car, listening to the radio:

My nephew: Have you seen this video?

Me: No, I didn't know they actually played videos anymore.

My nephew: Oh, like on TV? No, I meant on the computer... (He went on to tell me that MTV only plays videos at like 1am and 7am now and explained that you have to look them up now on the internet. Yeah, he thinks I'm so old that I don't know that.)

I was 16 in 1988 - MTV and VH1's heyday. At his age, I would spend hours watching videos. So I looked up some videos from 1988 and chuckled because Poison's Every Rose Has It's Thorn was also the first video I downloaded on my iPod many, many years later! I can't wait to see what songs from 2010 he downloads onto whatever version of the iPod we have 22 years from now.

Danny & Annie

If you've known me for long, you know that I love a good story. And a good love story is even better. Tonight I watched the animated short film that was made using StoryCorps recordings of a New York couple named Danny & Annie. Danny wrote Annie a love letter every day they were married. The film chronicles their first recording...and their last. Watch it, but have the Kleenex ready. It made me think about my grandparents. Both sets. My mom's parents were married for 57 years before grandma died. And my dad's parents are still alive and have been married for 67 years. I've asked grandma how they've made it all these years and she just shrugs it off and jokes, "We're just too lazy to do anything about it." But I'm not buying it. I've seen it. I've seen true, long-lasting love. Danny & Annie didn't have as many years together as my grandparents, but they certainly had as much love. May we all be so blessed to find love like this, if even for a little while. (See it here: http://video.pbs.org/video/1568346876)

Green with Envy

This week I got a reminder that things are not always what they seem. About six-seven years ago I worked with a group of fantastically talented girls, all a little younger than me. It was a great team – very energetic, creative and innovative. We became friends and we had a lot of fun working together. Eventually, we all moved on to bigger and better things. And I watched as each one of these ladies fell in love and got married (with the exception of one who was already married to the love of her life), had babies and/or puppies, moved into beautiful homes, traveled to exotic locations, and watched their careers flourish. As happy as I am for all of them, I have to admit that I have been childishly jealous. I’m not knocking my life, but look at it on paper – city government employee who is underpaid and hasn’t gotten a raise in several years, lives alone in a 650 sq ft apartment with her cat, in debt up to my eyeballs and sporting really bad credit, still single (but still looking) and driving around in a five year old car (that I still love) and my big vacation this year is to Omaha, Nebraska! (However, I am going to Omaha to see a dear friend I haven’t seen in years and I am very excited about it…it’s just not Tuscany, ya know?)

I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others and I know I’m not supposed to be jealous, but I guess it’s human nature. These girls work their butts off, they deserve every bit of happiness and success, so don’t get me wrong…I love all of them and I am so happy for them, but let’s face it, I was green with envy. I’ve also been comparing myself to former classmates as my 20-year high school reunion is coming up. I guess I’m just in a period of self-reflection. I think I’ve just been going through the motions, especially these last few years. There was dad’s cancer…and then he died which really through me for a loop. I was in a fog for at least a year. And since January 2009, there’s been mom’s cancer battle. Sure, there’s been other stuff in there, but if I had to tell you what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years, it would be hard to say. I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I’ve never been married, I don’t have any kids…heck, I don’t even own a home. But on the other hand, I’ve also never been divorced, never had to worry that my kid was going to make the wrong choice, and I’ve never had my home taken away from me…ha! How’s that for putting a positive spin on things?

Back to that reminder I got this week. I found out that one of my friends’ parents split up after almost 40 years of marriage. Her dad, who had just weeks before toasted her and her husband on their one year wedding anniversary, had been cheating on her mom with a woman he met in a class. Her parents were both retired and they were supposed to be in their golden years, traveling and enjoying life. And then, POW! Life changed. My parents were divorced after 23 years of marriage…I was in college and it was painful, but thank God nothing like what my friend is going through. It was a reality check for me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for not making as much money, not living in a nice big house, not being married, not being able to travel. But I would much rather not have all those things then to have to go through what their family is going through right now.

I am going to try to remember that everyone has a cross to bear. No matter how lucky you think they might be, we all have terrible, traumatic events happen in our lives. And a big fancy house or a big fancy job won’t solve that. My heart goes out to my friend and her family. I can only imagine the pain and confusion they are feeling right now.

Happy News!

I am very happy to report that my brother and his girlfriend are now engaged! Woo hoo! They were on vacation in Cancun and on the last night, during a walk on the beach, my brother popped the question! I was a nervous wreck all week, knowing that he planned to do it at some point during the trip, but not knowing when. Finally, the email came through! In it, my future sister-in-law didn’t simply say they were engaged, she said she was gonna be part of our family. I got a little teary eyed. Brother, you chose well. Congratulations you two!

Free Fajitas on Wednesdays!

This is sad. When I logged onto statesman.com today, the first thing I saw was this picture. What I noticed first was the “free fajitas...Wednesdays…” I thought, “Yay! Today is Wednesday and I’m broke! Where is this place?” That’s when I noticed the police tape and cop cars and realized it was a strip club! Oops. Since someone was fatally stabbed there earlier today, I think I'll skip it.

Mondayist Monday Ever

Monday Monday, can't trust that day...Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be…


Today was the Mondayist Monday I think I’ve ever had. I woke up feeling kind of puny, but didn’t quite know what was wrong. I went to work and in true Jennifer style, was very dramatic about how bad I felt. On the way to a meeting downtown with three co-workers, I stopped and grabbed an over the counter medicine. During the meeting, though, I started feeling really woozy and my lower back started hurting. I left the meeting, called my doctor and managed to get an appointment for an hour later. My co-workers dropped me off at a Car2Go, a Smart Car that City employees can use to get around town. I’ve used them tons of times, but this time the car didn’t start. So I was stuck in 100-degree temperature with a non-working vehicle. Cars2Go have a way to call customer service through the speakers of the car, so I did that to report it being broken down. After three calls that all got cut off – and being told by three different European men on the other end of the phone how to start a car – I finally just texted my co-workers. Luckily, they hadn’t gone too far and were able to come get me. I was drenched in sweat, feeling worse and felt like I might pass out at this point. We stopped for lunch on the way back to the office and one of the restaurant employees sprayed the back of my shirt with cleaner as she cleaned the booth behind me! Sheesh. I just laughed.


As the day wore on back at the office, it started to thunderstorm and I started to feel worse. I drank lots of water and took more of the OTC meds. I had missed my doctor’s appt because of the broken down SmartCar. Ugh. Then the power flickered…once, twice…and on the third time, my computer went down. Well, restarting an old PC that still has a floppy disk drive on it takes a good hour, so I tried to be patient. Tried to log on to my email from another computer to no avail. I pretty much wasn’t able to work. All the while, I’m trying to decide if I should drive to Urgent Care after work.


On my way home, I called my pharmacist friend and described my symptoms. She said I should get it checked out. That’s all I needed to hear. Also, sitting in a car made me feel worse than anything, so I braved the traffic and the rain and made my way to my favorite Urgent Care place. Ok, it’s the only one I’ve been to, but I still like it. They play kids movies in the lobby and in all the rooms, so it makes me feel better. Today it was Cars, one of my faves!



First I got to pee in a cup. Yay me. Then a few minutes later, the verdict: a kidney infection! “Twenty percent of women end up in the hospital, so I’d feel better if we gave you a shot before you leave,” said the doctor. In walks skinny male nurse who informs me that the shot has to go in my bum. Great. Not embarrassing at all, I thought. So as I watched Lightning McQueen and his pals from Radiator Springs, the nurse stuck me in the bum. Then there was 10 minutes of observation in case I had a bad reaction. This was a little worrisome to me, but fortunately, nothing happened. Then I went on my merry way with prescriptions in hand for antibiotics and pain killers.


Most of the time I don’t mind being single, but on Monday Mondays and times when I have to drive myself to Urgent Care and to the Pharmacy, it sucks. Oh well. Already feeling a tad better, except for my sore bum cheek. Make that two sore bum cheeks...I must have clenched. Ugh.

All About Moki

Moki met grandma a few days after she came to live with me...I think she was about 4 weeks old here. She grabbed grandma's fortune cookie right out of her hand!

Moki quickly discovered the computer...she loves to help mommy type and sometimes, like in the picture below, I find her surfing the web all by herself!

At about 6 weeks old, Moki's personality really started coming out. She's part devil, part angel, very intense and has lots of Tortitude! (Apparently all Tortoiseshell cats have Tortitude.) She loves her ball track toy, but to be honest, plays with regular things like pens, earrings and balled up paper more!

And today, at 8 weeks old, she had her vet appointment. Now she's a sleepy baby...

Moki at 8 Weeks

My new little kitty Moki is 8 weeks old now...and weighs all of 2.3 lbs! She had a vet checkup today. She still has a few round worms, so she got another treatment for that, her first round of vaccinations and a flea/heartworm/etc. treatment to do at home. She has another appointment in three weeks for more vaccinations. She was very brave and all the staff ooohed and ahhhed at how pretty she is. Duh, she's the most beautiful kitteh eva! Earlier in the week, I snapped these shots of her playing with (then taking a nap in) my bra! Hilarious.

Worst Fear

Aside from surviving a tornado and being blown into a tree with my clothes stripped off, THIS is my worst fear! Dying alone and being eaten by cats! This one of the many reasons I will never have more than  one cat!