Note from mom

Today when I got home from running errands, I opened my garage door and saw a piece of paper lying on the ground, just inside my garage. The wind kicks up leaves and trash and for some reason, it always ends up right in front of my garage door, so I assumed it was someone else's paper that blew into my garage. I bent down to pick it up and stopped. This was in my mom's handwriting!

I looked around, trying to figure out which box of my mom's stuff, stored in my garage, this piece of paper had escaped from. I couldn't figure it out, nor do I remember ever seeing this note before. My garage is a complete disaster...it's packed to the gills with junk from my mom, dad and my grandparents. Since I live in a one bedroom apartment, I have nowhere else to put anything. But random pieces of paper shouldn't just mysteriously show up.

So the only conclusion I can come to is that my mom wanted me to see this piece of paper today for some reason. I believe that the departed do find ways to speak to us. My sister got a phone call from dad and has been visited by mom several times in dreams. Dad used to hang out with me in my dreams and sometimes I will smell him or my grandma. But this might be the first time my mom has visited me.

Not sure what the significance of this note is. I vividly remember what mom went through in 2009 - and 2010, for that matter. I will never, ever forget it. In fact, I watched the movie My Sister's Keeper on TV last night and cried and cried, remembering all the horrid medical procedures both my parents endured. Maybe it was just the easiest paper for her spirit to find in a box...ha! Maybe it's because my birthday was Saturday...but wait, today is my sister-in-law's birthday. Maybe mom is chuckling right now, knowing that I'm trying to solve the mystery. And maybe one of my cats got into a box when they were in the garage the last time, but then there's still the mystery of how this note made it's way to the front of the garage.

I may never know the answer, but I am thankful that it made me think of my momma and for the smile it brought to my face.

Christmas Stocking

This almost 40-year-old stocking has never been hung at my house before. It's always had a comfortable home next to my brother and sister's stockings at our family house growing up, then at dad's house and finally at mom's house. Now that both my parents are gone, the stockings moved with my sister to her new house, initially. But last night, she handed them out to us and we took them home. I don't know why, but I am completely torn up about this. I know my parents are gone. I know this is the first Christmas without mom and our fourth without dad...and I know we're going to miss them. We miss them everyday and holidays are always hard. But I also know that we already have lots of fun family gatherings planned and that they would be so happy that we are so close. So why is that tears trickled down my face as I took this stocking and hung it in my own home?

When Your Job Here is Done

Andy Rooney

I just read that the lovable 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney has died, just a month after signing off the show for the last time. Have you ever noticed that people who are living their destiny die almost immediately after they stop doing it? 

Charles Schulz

The first person who came to mind for me was Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. He died on February 12, 2000. His very last Peanuts cartoon strip, drawn just a few weeks before, ran (as already scheduled to be his last) the next day, February 13, 2000. Prophetic. His job here on earth was done.

Helen Wagner

Helen Wagner, who played Nancy Hughes McClosky on As The World Turns (ATWT), filmed her last scenes for the soap opera in March 2010 and died a few months later in May. Helen holds the distinction of uttering the first words ever spoken on the television version of ATWT, being the one on camera in 1963 when Walter Conkrite interrupted to tell the world that President Kennedy had been shot and is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest run in a single role on television. Coincidentally, the show, one of the longest running soap operas in history, went off the air forever in September 2010.

Steve Jobs

And then, of course, there was Steve Jobs, the infamous founder of Apple. Just six weeks after resigning (albeit to due to illness), died at his home in October 2011.

Amidst all these celebrities, I can’t help but think of my mom, who died at the age of 60 earlier this year. Yes, it was the cancer that ultimately made her stop working. But as she battled it for two years, undergoing chemo, radiation and even surgeries, she continued to work. She worked until September 2010 and died a few months later in January 2011. I still cannot believe she worked up until then. My dad’s story was very similar – not long after he retired is when his cancer was discovered. He, too, fought the disease and continued what I believe was his true calling – being our daddy – right up until the very end.
It’s funny. Most of us dream about the day we can retire and enjoy our lives. It seems like these folks were already enjoying their lives to the fullest and when the joy of doing what they did was taken away, they could just move on to a better place. I guess they’re still living the dream, in that respect. Why stick around on earth when you could be in Heaven, enjoying all that it has to offer?

Being a mommy.

Being a daddy.

Leap of Faith

When my mom died, I became the oldest member of our little branch on the family tree. At 39. It’s a sobering reality. I’m eight years older than my sister and four years older than my brother. I’ve always taken my job as the big sister – and now the matriarch, I guess – very seriously. It’s my job to take care of them, to comfort them, to come to their rescue when needed. But more often than not lately, the roles have reversed and they have taken care of, comforted and rescued me.

These past few months, I have missed my parents like crazy and frankly, I’ve been fighting to keep my head above water. I get out of bed every day and do what I need to do for the most part, but it’s like someone turned the color off the movie and we’re all walking around in black and white. There’ve been some happy moments in there too, but I’ve also really been struggling with some things. Unfortunately, just because I suffered a major loss earlier this year, the world didn’t stop turning. And there are people out there who really just don’t care.

One day last week I was having a particularly bad day and sent a text to my sister about it. What she wrote me back made me burst into tears. Not out of sadness, but because it was true…and I was so proud of her maturity. I’m paraphrasing here, but essentially she told me:

I had an epiphany about your situation this morning. We have the two best guardian angels in Heaven. Nothing bad is going to happen. This stuff is just a sign to take a leap of faith and move on. I felt for awhile that God was working against me, but then I realized it was for a reason!

How did my baby sister (and baby brother) get so smart?

By his stripes, she is finally healed!

My sister sent this to us this morning and it made me cry. This was, without a doubt, my mom speaking to her. She is finally healed!

Yesterday I downloaded a daily Bible verse app for my phone. I was listening to an audio book that made me think. My mom kept saying she was going through this for a reason and she believed it was to witness to others. So I thought maybe there was some sort of message there for me, so I looked up the two verses that she always referenced. I was a little bummed because there didn't seem to be a hidden message. To be honest after [losing] my dad and now my mom, my faith was very shaken! Well... This of all the verses in the Bible was chosen as today's Bible verse on my new app: But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:5

For those of you who spoke with my mom in her last few months, I'm sure you have heard this verse. This verse really inspired her! She would always say, "I am healed, I am healed! By his stripes I am healed!" Until her death we took that very literally but only truly understood it recently.

School of photography by my dad

I inherited all of my dad's camera equipment and when I finally bought a digital SLR, I went with a Canon so I could use the telephoto lenses from his old Canon 35mm. Sometimes when I take pictures, I could swear dad is looking through those lenses again. He never really sat me down and taught me how to take a photo, but somehow his style rubbed off on me. On my recent trip to Phoenix, these two photos jumped out at me as pure dad-style pictures. And I'm totally in love with both of them. Thank you, daddy.

Two Dreams, One Night

Dream #1. Woke up about 4am after dreaming that I was taking a nap on Kim Kardashian’s couch. (Sign I watch too much reality TV?) In the dream, I woke myself up snoring and was too embarrassed to go back to sleep in case Kim heard me. Stared at the walls instead and noticed tiny little black bugs crawling down from the ceiling. Kim & her brother Rob eventually came in the living room and we all tried to figure out where the gross little black bugs were coming from. That’s where it ended. 

Weirdest dream ever, so I had to look it up.  

Celebrity: To see a particular actor or actress in your dream, look at the role they are playing. Even though you may not know them on a personal level, how you perceive them or the characters they play can provide understanding in how it relates to you.

Bugs: To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby.

Hmmm.

Dream #2. Dreamt about my dad. I usually love dreaming about my dad, but we were traveling in this dream – driving to Amarillo (where I lived for 8 years) – and he was grouchy for some reason. I don’t remember many details, but I remember stopping at a hotel once we got into town and for some reason, we decided not to stay there.

Dad: To see your father in your dream symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father and how aspects of his character may be incorporated within yourself.

Driving: To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are have difficulties in achieving your goals and the changes associated with it. To dream that someone else is driving you, denotes fortune and that you will profit from your superior knowledge and ingenuity.

Hotel: To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

Whoah…this one’s pretty heavy…and probably pretty close to the mark.

Front Row Seats

As I sit here watching Steel Magnolias for about the millionth time and the sad part is making me cry for the millionth time, my heart is also aching for a dear friend of mine. Her dad, who was battling lung cancer, passed away yesterday.

It's bringing back a flood of memories for me. I can still remember the emotions of losing my own dad, also to lung cancer, about two and a half years ago. We both watched our fathers fight the disease bravely, for a long time. We watched them suffer. We watched their bodies transform from healthy, strong men to sickly and weak. Unfortunately, we saw them suffer. And it's something you never forget. I wish more than anything that I could take away the feelings I know she's going through right now. I wish no one ever had to feel the loss of a parent - or any loved one, for that matter. But we all have to do it.

I don't know how it all works, but ever since my grandma died in 1993, I've pictured her on the welcoming committee in Heaven, planning the arrival parties and greeting newcomers. I know that sounds silly, but it's truly how I picture it. That, and all of your family and friends who passed before you are there to greet you. Today, I pictured my dad there, to welcome my friend's dad, even though I'm not sure they ever met in person. But I'm positive he was there, to tell him thank you for being a good dad to his daughter who became my friend. For the longest time after my dad died, I pictured him as a kid in Heaven, running around, showing God and the angels how fast he could run. I saw him organizing baseball games and track meets. But after awhile, that feeling left me. Now I simply feel a comforting presence of my dad when I think of him. I know that he is up there watching over all of us. And now my friend's dad is too. They have front row seats to our lives and will be with us forever.

We Had Him

I love Maya Angelou and in late April, I was lucky enough to hear her speak in person at my alma mater, West Texas A&M University in Canyon, Texas. I haven't blogged about the experience yet...I guess I'm waiting until I have time to perfect what I want to say. Angelou's words almost always move me to tears. The poem that she wrote memorializing Michael Jackson was no different. It reminded me how fragile life is and although written specifically for Michael Jackson, it made me think about my dad and my grandparents. We are all here on loan. I feel so lucky to have had my loved ones -- and for that matter, icons like Michael Jackson and Maya Angelou -- in my life, even if in a small way.

Here is the text of "We Had Him" and a video of Queen Latifah reading it at the memorial service:

We Had Him
by Dr. Maya Angelou

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing,

now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.

Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace.

Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing.

No clocks can tell time.

No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.

Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.

Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.

He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.

Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.

He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style.

We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.

We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.

His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.

And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.

We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing.

He gave us all he had been given.
Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana’s Black Star Square.

In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England We are missing Michael.

But we do know we had him, and we are the world.

Where else would you find burnt orange loaves of bread?

I've been on a dream kick lately and I never posted this one in my blog, so I thought I'd share. Apparently I typed it up when I woke up that morning; I just found it in my files.

Dream 5/17/09
Appearing: me, my sister and my brother + my dad our step mom.
Details: We all went to “UT buffet” on the UT campus to eat dinner, but it was almost 9pm.
The manager made an exception and sent us through the line. We all got drinks and free burnt orange loaves of bread. (Ha!)

The buffet was in this giant building created in a circle and you had to walk all the way around, passing other UT depts. along the way. We passed the Radio, TV & Film dept. as we walked around the buffet line. They were filming a news cast and I think we all waved hello as we passed them. By the time we got to the actual food buffet, they were closed with their lights off. We were all livid because the manager told us we could go through the line.

That’s all I remember, but there was more to the dream.

Weird dream, as usual.

Dream a little dream

I’ve had weird dreams the last two nights. My dad was in both of them and whenever I dream about him, I don’t want to wake up. I dream about him once or twice a month and we’re always just kinda hanging out, just him and me. I guess that’s what I miss most about my dad – he made me feel comfortable and safe and knew me better than anyone. I think I dream about him when I’m under stress and need to feel safe.

Dream #1
The night before last, I dreamt that me, my sister, my brother and his girlfriend went on a trip. At the airport flying back home, we all got separated so I never saw if everyone got on the plane. We all had seats away from each other. Actually, none of us ever saw my sister at the airport and she wasn't answering her phone, so we were worried that she didn't catch the plane. (Not sure why she wasn't with us) The flight attendants would not tell me if she was on the plane. I never saw my brother and his girlfriend during the flight, but I assumed they caught the flight since I'd seen them in the airport.

At the end of the flight, everyone had to use their credit cards to check out, using a machine at the top of one of the seats in the mid section of the plane. It was weird and held everyone up. But after I stood up, I found an old credit card of my brother’s, bent and lying on the floor under my seat. Then, I looked in the seat I had just been sitting in and saw his wallet, tucked under a fold in the fabric. A flight attendant saw me pick it up and grabbed it from me and even after I showed her ID, she wouldn’t let me keep the wallet. I still didn’t see them and the plane was completely full, so I was getting worried. I tried calling all three of them but of course they hadn't turned on their phones yet. Then someone in the front part of the plane found a cell phone under a seat and it was my brother’s! Now I was really worried, but they made me de-board the plane. The airport was extremely crowded and I still could not find them. People were whizzing past me, bumping into me and yelling at me, but I was not about to budge until I found my siblings and my brother’s girlfriend. About the time I started to have a panic attack in the airport, I woke up!

What Dream #1 Means (according to the Internet) Airport - To see a busy airport in your dream signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure. Lost - To dream that someone else is lost represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Dream #2

Last night I dreamt that my family was helping me move into this little place that was connected to a warehouse or maybe it was a storage facility. It had a gravel driveway and people would drive by to go down the road to whatever the other facility was. The location was odd, but the place was really cute. I have moving dreams every now and again and I always dream about leaving something behind. It’s usually family heirlooms and I have to go back to my maternal grandparents’ house to get it. That must mean something. Longing for the past, maybe?

Anyway, I know the entire family was there, but at the end of the day it was just dad and me. I can’t tell you how many times dad helped me move over the years, so this makes sense. We were laughing and he was teasing me like he used to about being a packrat. We were exhausted, but having a good time unpacking in my new place.

Then we decided to go get some dinner. Dad was driving the old family blue and white 1979 Chevy Blazer (we all drove it at one point) and all of a sudden while he was driving, he slumped over and lost consciousness. I struggled to grab the wheel, pull over and hit the brakes…it was extremely stressful! I immediately called 9-1-1 and drove to the ER. Once there, they whisked him away to a room. I think I called my brother and sister at this point and for some reason, they told me I should go ahead and leave the hospital. I think I had to take my mom to a doctor’s appointment or something too. When I got done with that, I called grandma and pop to see if they knew how dad was doing. Pop was crying (something I’ve never seen or heard) and grandma was at the hospital with dad. All I remember from there was getting back to the hospital and seeing grandma. Dad was still in surgery or the other room, but we couldn’t get any information from the staff. I woke up feeling very anxious, but then happy that I’d gotten to see my dad in my dream.

What Dream #2 Means (according to the Internet) To dream that you are moving away signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship and you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence. A hospital is a place of healing. Your dream may offer you cures to improve your psychological or physical health. Observe in which department your dream is set – it may give you important clues to the nature of your problem. You may need some rest or may be trying to recover from a psychological wound that requires inner healing. Or perhaps the dream has a warning about your physical health? Does the dream offer a cure? Does it suggests a healthier behavior pattern or diet? They called Edgar Cayce ‘the sleeping prophet’ because he would fall asleep and answer questions put to him about the health of people he had never met. He gave startlingly accurate diagnoses and his revolutionary treatments and cures are still being used and researched today. Hidden within our dreams are the keys to spiritual, psychological and physical health.

Hmmm…

Time Machines

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.” ~ Jeremy Irons

I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing lately and wondering how the years have flown by so quickly. And man that makes me feel old! First there was the realization that my 20-year high school reunion will be next year. I realized this about the time a webpage was created for our class and when classmates from high school started coming out of the woodwork on facebook. I currently have 51 facebook friends who I knew in high school! Crazy.

Another event that took me back in time was the 70th anniversary of Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch & the 60th anniversary of Girlstown, USA. I spent some very formative years working at Cal Farley’s. I learned so much about the public relations field and participated in so many exciting things while there! I met celebrities like Dale Evans Rogers and Willie Nelson, pitched a story to People magazine and watched as it actually got published (!) and forged some very special, long-lasting relationships with some of the best people on earth. I always tell people that I think God plucked people from their corners of the earth and placed them at Cal Farley’s – the people who work there eat, breathe, and sleep the mission of providing homes for children. They are salt of the earth people and I love them dearly. When my invitation arrived in the mail for the 70th/60th anniversary celebrations, it stunned me. It seemed like just yesterday that I was working there and we planned the 60th/50th anniversaries! Ten years have flown by! The anniversary brought back some fond memories of all the fun events we had that year. I also remember being in a hotel room in Lubbock, getting ready to drive out to the Girlstown anniversary event on campus and hearing that John F. Kennedy Jr’s plane had gone down. I was able to meet up with some of my old buddies from Cal Farley’s when they celebrated the anniversary here in Austin at the Capitol…it was so nice to see them.

And the very next week, my alma mater, West Texas A&M University, held a 100th anniversary celebration here in Austin. I attended the event at the Bob Bullock State History Museum and ran into the former alumni director, aka Mr. WT, who was also my supervisor when I interned in the Communications dept. at the college. Saw a few other familiar faces and even met some new people. They did a great job highlighting the history of the school at the event, bravo to the planners! The event made me realize how much WT has changed since I left, ahem, 15 years ago. There’s now a fancy, new pedestrian mall, an entirely new fine arts bldg, and even a performance hall/arena! In fact, Dr. Maya Angelou is speaking in the new arena later this month! I’m hoping to make the trip up to Canyon to see her. It’ll be my first time on campus in at least eight years, maybe more.

And then there’s another anniversary looming…the second anniversary of my dad’s passing is Monday. At this very moment, I am holding up ok, but it’s always there in the back of my mind. We’re not doing anything formal, I guess we’re all just going to mark the event in our own ways. It seems like much, much longer since I saw my dad. I miss him every single day and still yearn to talk to him, to hug him. But most of the time, memories of my dad bring a huge smile to my face. He influenced my life so much that I literally think of him every day because I’ll say or do something he would have done, or I’ll hear a song he liked or whatever. I’m so lucky to have those memories.

In fact, I feel lucky to have all the memories I’ve talked about here. It’s the memories we have that will carry us through to the future. They help shape your hopes and dreams. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I do have some dreams and I hope they come true. And if not, I’m sure that the adventure in trying to make them come true will be just as exciting.

weekend

This has been a weird – and sad – weekend. Some good things happened this weekend too, though. As you know if you read my blog, my mom is fighting breast cancer. Well she was feeling really tired last week because her white blood cell count was low. They gave her shots to boost them and by Friday she was much better. So she was able to get her 2nd chemo treatment. Sounds funny that being able to get chemo is a good thing, but it is! Plus, we found out at the appointment that the tumor has already shrunk quite a bit. Yay! That means the chemo is working, thank God. She’ll still have to have surgery and radiation after that, but getting rid of the cancer cells is what we want! Even though mom was feeling better, towards the end of the week, her hair started to fall out. She had each of us cut some and sported a crazy, spiky hairdo (at least in the house) for a few days. Today mom went to see Tracie, a friend who is a hairdresser, and had her head shaved. She has two wigs and some scarves and caps she can wear… I know it was hard for mom, but she’s dealing with this a lot better than I would, that’s for sure.

This weekend was also full of sad news. First, we learned that Tracie’s mother-in-law had just passed away. I didn’t know her mother-in-law, but it’s still sad.

Then, while we were out getting my mom’s medicine Saturday, we got a call from my mom’s friend Melanie telling us that an old family friend, Danny, had suddenly died of a massive heart attack. It was also the first anniversary of Melanie’s dad’s death. Eerie. Danny grew up with my parents, was my mom’s second cousin, was in their wedding, served along with his wife as my baptismal sponsor and spent lots of time driving around and talking with my dad when he was sick. He had this huge, toothy grin and a larger than life laugh – that’s how I will remember him.

Then tonight I heard from yet another friend whose dad passed away five days ago.

Obviously mortality and the possibility of losing another parent have been weighing heavily on my mind lately. April 6 marks two years since my dad died of lung cancer….as the date gets closer and closer, memories keep rushing back to me of his time in the hospital. I wonder if this will always be the case or if that part of it will go away. I miss dad every single day, but I was again reminded after hearing about Danny how lucky we were to have had so much time to spend with him before he died.

Found this great quote from John Barrymore and it made me smile: “The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.” So I’ll sign off now because I’ve got a lot of living to do! ;)

Obama's pledge to cure cancer

President Obama has pledged to find a cure for cancer. Just reading these words made my eyes well up with tears. God bless you, Mr. President. And I hope we do find a cure. Soon.

Hospice Austin

I have a very special place in my heart for Hospice Austin because of the help they gave our family when my dad was dying of lung cancer. This story epitomizes what the orgnanization is all about and made me want to find this woman and just hug her. God bless her.

Sunshine on my shoulders

I'll tell ya what I'm thankful for...some fall weather! Today in Austin it was sunny with a low of 47 and a high of 74! Perfection. Of course I liked the 47 end best, call me crazy. What irks me is that I actually heard several people complaining about it being too cold! Seriously? Are you kidding me? We spend what to me seems like 360 days a year being at 90 degrees and above, can't we be thankful for this delicious weather? No rain, no snow, no sleet. Sunshine and cool, crisp air. I've been humming "Sunshine on my shoulders" all day. And it does make me happy. :)

Listening with my eyes closed...

Most of you reading this know that my dad passed away about a year and a half ago. He was a big John Denver fan – not a day went by in my childhood without hearing a John Denver song. Instead of hating the music, though, I actually LOVE John Denver – and I don’t care what anyone thinks. We even played a John Denver song at my dad’s funeral. It would have been wrong not to play one.

An overwhelming sense of peace washes over me now when I hear a John Denver song and I think of my dad and smile…and sing along! I guess that peace is what dad always felt. I get it now, dad.

So tonight I was searching YouTube and came across a fairly obscure JD song called, “Zachary and Jennifer.” This song always brings me to tears because I very vividly remember the first time I heard it. And because my name is Jennifer and my nephew’s name is Zachary…and it’s just a beautiful song.

My dad was a very spiritual man, but maybe not in the sense that most people think of. He would find deep meaning in music and in words – and he tried to share it with us from time to time. He often would make us sit down, close our eyes and stop talking. Then he would play a song and tell us, “Listen to the words. I mean, really listen to the words and what they’re saying.” Most of the time, especially as kids, we would roll our eyes or snicker. But the time he sat us down to listen to this song, we took it seriously.

It was almost 15 years ago – I had just found out that I was going to be an aunt. We were all so excited! I remember dad sitting us down at the old house on Maye Place. We all just looked at each other and from then on, the baby's name was Zachary. Or at least that’s how I remember it. He’s my only nephew and will be 14 on Wednesday. I know we’ve told Zach about the John Denver song, but I bet he doesn’t remember it. And I’m certain he doesn’t get it yet, but someday he will. He reminds me of my dad in little ways that I can’t quite explain yet.

I would give anything if I could sit and close my eyes and listen to John Denver again with my dad. Maybe I’ll do that now.