Christmas Stocking

This almost 40-year-old stocking has never been hung at my house before. It's always had a comfortable home next to my brother and sister's stockings at our family house growing up, then at dad's house and finally at mom's house. Now that both my parents are gone, the stockings moved with my sister to her new house, initially. But last night, she handed them out to us and we took them home. I don't know why, but I am completely torn up about this. I know my parents are gone. I know this is the first Christmas without mom and our fourth without dad...and I know we're going to miss them. We miss them everyday and holidays are always hard. But I also know that we already have lots of fun family gatherings planned and that they would be so happy that we are so close. So why is that tears trickled down my face as I took this stocking and hung it in my own home?

When Your Job Here is Done

Andy Rooney

I just read that the lovable 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney has died, just a month after signing off the show for the last time. Have you ever noticed that people who are living their destiny die almost immediately after they stop doing it? 

Charles Schulz

The first person who came to mind for me was Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. He died on February 12, 2000. His very last Peanuts cartoon strip, drawn just a few weeks before, ran (as already scheduled to be his last) the next day, February 13, 2000. Prophetic. His job here on earth was done.

Helen Wagner

Helen Wagner, who played Nancy Hughes McClosky on As The World Turns (ATWT), filmed her last scenes for the soap opera in March 2010 and died a few months later in May. Helen holds the distinction of uttering the first words ever spoken on the television version of ATWT, being the one on camera in 1963 when Walter Conkrite interrupted to tell the world that President Kennedy had been shot and is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest run in a single role on television. Coincidentally, the show, one of the longest running soap operas in history, went off the air forever in September 2010.

Steve Jobs

And then, of course, there was Steve Jobs, the infamous founder of Apple. Just six weeks after resigning (albeit to due to illness), died at his home in October 2011.

Amidst all these celebrities, I can’t help but think of my mom, who died at the age of 60 earlier this year. Yes, it was the cancer that ultimately made her stop working. But as she battled it for two years, undergoing chemo, radiation and even surgeries, she continued to work. She worked until September 2010 and died a few months later in January 2011. I still cannot believe she worked up until then. My dad’s story was very similar – not long after he retired is when his cancer was discovered. He, too, fought the disease and continued what I believe was his true calling – being our daddy – right up until the very end.
It’s funny. Most of us dream about the day we can retire and enjoy our lives. It seems like these folks were already enjoying their lives to the fullest and when the joy of doing what they did was taken away, they could just move on to a better place. I guess they’re still living the dream, in that respect. Why stick around on earth when you could be in Heaven, enjoying all that it has to offer?

Being a mommy.

Being a daddy.

Blush and Bashful

Today I emailed my sister and asked her what her favorite color is...we need to know for her Christmas gift(s) and I was being oh-so-sneaky. Ha. Below was her response. I love that she wants to be fair to all the colors of the rainbow!

Q: What's your favorite color?

A: I don't have an ultimate favorite, it's not fair to the other colors. I'll tell you what colors I don't care for… orange unless it's burnt orange, any pastel with the exception of pink. I'm not really all that into browns unless it's a very rich chocolate brown… and I don't like holiday colors together unless it's that holiday and I'm not a fan of pink and purple together for an adult … does that help?

This made me wonder what Pantone named as their color of the year...low and behold, it's Honeysuckle, aka pink! Love it. Then of course I immediately thought of one of the greatest movie quotes of all time: "My colors are blush and bashful, momma!"

And yes, Jill, I purposefully mixed pink and purple together in this blog post! :)

address labels

You know those free address labels charities send you, asking for money? I got some really cute ones with dogs and cats on them and started using them, feeling guilty for not sending them a donation. But I've already donated to the local Humane Society in the last few months, so I reasoned it was ok to use them. Then I realized it...they'd spelled my last name wrong. Like really wrong. It's an entirely different last name! Wow. My proofreading skills sure aren't what they used to be! The worst part is...I've already used and mailed three things with the labels. Moral of the story: proofread everything and don't use labels unless you send in a donation. It's apparently bad kharma!

A Week in the Life

So my sister-in-law stumbled upon a lady who decided to document a week in her life through photos and captions on her blog. We thought the week marking the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 would be a good week to document our own lives. I have a relatively boring life and I don't carry my camera with me every day, so most of these photos were taken with my cell phone and aren't good quality, but I tried to give you a few snap shots of my life. Enjoy!

Sunday 9/11/11

I lit a candle and started watching the 9/11 tribute on Sunday morning. I cried...a lot...as I watched the unveiling of the memorial, the reading of the names, the moments of silence. Then I looked up at the candle I'd lit on my entertainment center and saw HOPE.

Moki: "Coffee table, schmoffee table. This is a cat table!"

Vinnie took a nap while mommy watched 9/11 coverage.









Monday 9/12/11 

Apparently I need lots of motivation to remind me that I'm a good writer at work! 

Laundry time! Oh, how exciting!

















Tuesday 9/13/11

 I love big old trees like this!

There's a homeless man who stands at this corner every day and he always carries his American flag. He was resting under a nearby tree when I snapped this while waiting at the light.






Wednesday 9/14/11

Chairs on parade at my office.

Bad kitties!













Friday 9/16/11

The view...leaving Austin on Friday for a girls weekend/bridal shower in Rockport for our friend Julie.










Saturday 9/17/11

Where else would the shower be on the Texas coast but the Captain's Quarters? :)

                          



   Mmmm...shower cake.

The girls. Jill was channeling her inner chearleader, apparently. :)

Me & Julie at The Sugar Shack...wild and crazy bachelorette party, lemme tell ya. Ha.





Sunday 9/18/11




Leaving Rockport. Until next month!

Thankfully there's a Starbucks in Victoria! Yay!

Guess who drove home and who curled up in the fetal position and slept. ;)

Brooke Burke

This woman has had FOUR children and is older than me. Ok, only by six months, but still. I think I hate her. I mean, I did try to take her out once: http://jennericgirl.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-almost-took-down-new-dancing-with.html. Just kidding, you're awesome, Brooke. I'm just really jealous. But you could stop being so damn beautiful, ok?

Emails from Beyond

What happens to all the stuff people leave behind when they die? For months, my siblings and I have been sorting through all of mom’s possessions – literally one by one, deciding who wants what. And because my mom died only eight years after her dad (our grandpa lived to be 95), we sorted through all of our grandparents’ things too. We literally found receipts from grandpa’s Texaco station from the 1940s and 50s. I come by my hoarding honestly, let’s just put it that way. It was a painstaking, emotionally and physically draining process.

And then there are things you don’t think about, like mom’s facebook page and email account. This week, her email account was hacked and sent out spam emails to everyone in her list. The first one went to my sister-in-law and it said, "Do you want stop time and be forever young?" and of course referenced a website. My first thought: my mom always said she'd have fun haunting us from beyond. Yep, there was no doubt in my mind, this was mom having a little fun up in Heaven. Then I got an email from her account asking if I wanted to know how to enlarge a certain body part I don’t have. So last night, I logged onto mom’s email, deleted about 4,000 junk emails and changed her password. I also unsubscribed to all the crazy emails she was receiving. I guess we could cancel her email account, but I’m not ready for that just yet. Maybe I’m hoping she can figure out how to send a real email message from Heaven.

Imaginary Friend

I watched a movie tonight where this girl (played by Alyssa Milano) had an imaginary friend as a kid who then came back when she was an adult and was about to marry the wrong person. In true Lifetime Movie Network fashion, she and her imaginary friend fell in love. When I was a kid, I apparently had an imaginary pet flea. I don’t remember this, but my parents told me about it. What are the chances my imaginary pet flea will come back into my life and be marriage material?

Something I've wondered a lot lately...

‎"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"
~Albert Einstein

She fulfilled her calling...

After being on the air for 25 years, the Oprah Winfrey Show ended on May 25, 2011. I was never a faithful viewer like some, but would watch from time to time. My mom watched it nearly every day, though. And I always liked the show. It’s impossible to miss the influence that Oprah had on our society – from book suggestions to starting careers of Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil and even to introducing most of the country to would-be President Barack Obama.

When I did watch, her show always spoke to me, sharing a message that I needed right at that moment. Oprah’s final show was no different. Her last episode was without fanfair – it was just Oprah, alone on her stage, pontificating about the last 25 years and giving words of encouragement to her viewers. Oprah was undeniably more than just a TV show host. She found her true calling and lit up the world by fulfilling it. Her final words really inspired me. I’ve saved her last show to watch whenever I’m down in the dumps and need a pick-me-up. Below are just a few of the quotes from her last show that resonated with me, courtesy of oprah.com:

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion. Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

“…But what I want you to know as this show ends: Each one of you has your own platform. Do not let the trappings here fool you. Mine is a stage in a studio, yours is wherever you are with your own reach, however small or however large that reach is. Maybe it's 20 people, maybe it's 30 people, 40 people, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your classroom, your co-workers. Wherever you are, that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence. That is your talk show, and that is where your power lies. In every way, in every day, you are showing people exactly who you are. You're letting your life speak for you. And when you do that, you will receive in direct proportion to how you give in whatever platform you have.”

"My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you're supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don't waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world."

“…Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn't matter what your mama did; it doesn't matter what your daddy didn't do. You are responsible for your life. ... You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”

“…There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness…What I got was we often block our own blessings because we don't feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough…”

“…I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire…Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"

"I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn't have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It's always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I'm still—I wait and listen for the guidance that's greater than my meager mind.”

"The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. ... It's subtle, those whispers. And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It's like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. ... You don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That's the pattern I've seen in my life, and it's played out over and over again on this show…What I've gleaned from this show: Whispers are always messages, and if you don't hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don't handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don't handle the crisis, disaster. Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?"

The last two paragraphs are the ones that really hit home for me. I know that I haven’t always listened to God’s gentle whispers or even the thumps on the head. I think this was the part of the show I really needed to hear right at that moment and take to heart.

Thank you for all the wonderful years, Oprah. I know we’ll see you in some other venture soon. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll see me in a new venture too – one that lights me up.

Leap of Faith

When my mom died, I became the oldest member of our little branch on the family tree. At 39. It’s a sobering reality. I’m eight years older than my sister and four years older than my brother. I’ve always taken my job as the big sister – and now the matriarch, I guess – very seriously. It’s my job to take care of them, to comfort them, to come to their rescue when needed. But more often than not lately, the roles have reversed and they have taken care of, comforted and rescued me.

These past few months, I have missed my parents like crazy and frankly, I’ve been fighting to keep my head above water. I get out of bed every day and do what I need to do for the most part, but it’s like someone turned the color off the movie and we’re all walking around in black and white. There’ve been some happy moments in there too, but I’ve also really been struggling with some things. Unfortunately, just because I suffered a major loss earlier this year, the world didn’t stop turning. And there are people out there who really just don’t care.

One day last week I was having a particularly bad day and sent a text to my sister about it. What she wrote me back made me burst into tears. Not out of sadness, but because it was true…and I was so proud of her maturity. I’m paraphrasing here, but essentially she told me:

I had an epiphany about your situation this morning. We have the two best guardian angels in Heaven. Nothing bad is going to happen. This stuff is just a sign to take a leap of faith and move on. I felt for awhile that God was working against me, but then I realized it was for a reason!

How did my baby sister (and baby brother) get so smart?

My Lucky Charm

I was feeling pretty stressed and overwhelmed yesterday. I’m playing catch up at work after being out dealing with my mom’s passing, plus we are just really, really busy right now. We’re working on some fun things, but all the little details and “to dos” at work and with mom’s estate just seemed to be piling up. I had trouble falling asleep, but once I finally did, I had a dream about my mom. The first one since she died. I was sitting on the couch and she was in her chair and she was talking to me, making me feel better. Then she told me what I really needed was a pill. She stood up (and didn’t have to use a walker!) and walked over to her pill case, something we got really used to seeing in real life. She opened it up and there were all different colored and shaped pills. Come to think of it, they kind of looked like the pill version of Lucky Charms! She handed me the small pink heart-shaped pill and told me it would help me rest. I sure slept hard…and woke up with a smile on my face. Mom’s still there to help me when I really need her.

By his stripes, she is finally healed!

My sister sent this to us this morning and it made me cry. This was, without a doubt, my mom speaking to her. She is finally healed!

Yesterday I downloaded a daily Bible verse app for my phone. I was listening to an audio book that made me think. My mom kept saying she was going through this for a reason and she believed it was to witness to others. So I thought maybe there was some sort of message there for me, so I looked up the two verses that she always referenced. I was a little bummed because there didn't seem to be a hidden message. To be honest after [losing] my dad and now my mom, my faith was very shaken! Well... This of all the verses in the Bible was chosen as today's Bible verse on my new app: But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:5

For those of you who spoke with my mom in her last few months, I'm sure you have heard this verse. This verse really inspired her! She would always say, "I am healed, I am healed! By his stripes I am healed!" Until her death we took that very literally but only truly understood it recently.

Ruby's Final Moment

I haven't even had much time to process it yet, much less blog about it, but my mom lost her courageous battle with cancer on Friday. We are still in shock and already miss her like crazy. We're overwhelmed by the love and support people are showing us. My mom was a special lady and will be missed. The following is an email her longtime friend Janie Cortez wrote. It's a beautiful and honest tribute to my mom and I wanted to share it with everyone.

Hello everyone.  I have some sad news.  My Good Friend Ruby Herber died Friday Jan. 21, 2011 at 2:15 in the morning.

I talked to her on Wednesday afternoon.  Her words were "I am back."  She had gotten real sick during the weekend with pneumonia but since the tumors on her lungs had grown so much they could not tell.  My lovely friend was always so hopeful.  When she called me on Wednesday, she said she was eating really good and her daughter Jill was going to fix her steak for supper. 

Then on Thursday morning, I checked my phone and Jill and Jenn, her daughters, had called me to tell me Ruby was in the emergency room at the hospital and they were not sure she would make it this time.  I put on some clothes and drove like a crazy to Scott & White in Round Rock, hoping to talk to her again one more time. I prayed all the way there.  I thank God she could still talk to me when I ran in the emergency room.  I was crying out loud at her bedside and she said, "It’s ok, I am ready.”  I told her that she had taught me so much and she said, “No, you have taught me.”  What I wanted to say was that she taught me so much about her Faith in God, even in all the suffering she had experienced.  She was always reading her Bible and sharing her findings. 

I met Ruby when she came to work at Teacher Retirement sometime in the 70s.  We were both married with children (babies).  She was such a genuine person, so full of love and joy and everyday was an adventure for us.  I would see her at break time, both morning and afternoon and lunch.  We would talk about our children and husbands and life itself.  We became such good friends in the difficult times and the good times. Some of the difficult times were when we lost our parents and when Ruby went in search of her birth mother. Ruby was adopted as a small child.  There was also Ruby's divorce from David. I also spent the day with her when David died of cancer about four years ago.  Now these are the times when we knew we were like sisters.  We never cared about the color of our skin but the love that we had for each other.  My sisters would tease me and tell me that Ruby was not my sister.  I talk to them about her all the time. 

Because I am such a serious person at times, I was drawn to Ruby for a friend.  She was always so full of adventure.  Sometimes I did not want to tell my husband Andrew of the crazy things we talked about and the adventures we planned.  A week after Ruby's dad died, we drove to Fort Collins, Colorado to visit my daughter Andrea.  Andrea took us hiking in the snow-covered mountains and I remember Ruby started sliding down the mountain.  I kept telling her to look out for the trees but she would head for each tree and hold on from tree to tree.  We laughed so much afterwards.  On that same trip Andrea took us to a music concert and Ruby bought a huge black hat for the concert.  I have no idea why.  And she wore it to the concert and probably blocked the view for a couple of people behind us.  We laughed about that too.  We were always laughing.  It did not matter how foolish we looked.  I remember all the times we would just meet for breakfast on Saturday morning.  We would sit there and talk for at least 2 or 3 hours.  We would try to meet up once a month but most of the time it was two or three months. 

Ruby gave me a little pillow for my birthday, which has written on it:

Strong Women: May we know them,

may we raise them,

may we be them.

Ruby you were a strong woman, we raised two strong daughters each (and you also raised a strong son), and because of you I will try to be a strong woman now that you have left me. 

What we really need is...

Tonight my sister and I were texting back and forth, talking about how overwhelmed we are with everything going on with mom. I said something like, "We really need therapy." My sister responded with, "We need something...I just don't know what." I sent back, "A miracle." And in her most profound words ever, my baby sister responded with, "I'd settle for a good laxative!"