Rainbows in the Clouds

“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.” – Maya Angelou

I can't sleep on a Saturday night because I have either really bad allergies or the beginnings of a cold. So I logged onto Twitter. I noticed that "Maya Angelou" was a trending topic and gasped. No, no, no! Please don't tell me that something has happened to my beloved Maya Angelou! I immediately went into super search mode and discovered that she was taken to the hospital for unknown reasons sometime on Saturday. I also found some tweets that say she is ok, but you never know what to believe. So my thoughts & prayers are with Maya Angelou…I pray that she will be ok. And I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to see her speak in person at my alma mater, West Texas A&M University, about six months ago.

I was so moved by her words, but surprisingly, I don’t think I ever wrote about the experience. Maya talked about the importance of finding “rainbows in the clouds.” She marveled at how just a few years ago, she would not have even been allowed to attend a school like WT and now here they were, inviting her to be their honored guest. Then she said, “This University is a rainbow in the clouds.” That’s when my tears started flowing. I don’t think they stopped the entire time she spoke. Her words were just so eloquent, so profound…and Maya just glows on stage. She IS greatness. We are all truly blessed by her presence here on Earth. SHE is a rainbow in the clouds.

- - -

Yesterday my mom had a CT scan because she has completed all of her chemo and radiation and has done well after mastectomy surgery. About 7pm, she received a call from her oncologist, telling her that they found nodules on her lungs. Crap, crap, crap. He said that it could be simply inflammation, but it could also be cancer again. Next week she will undergo a PET scan and maybe a biopsy. My first reaction was extreme anger at cancer and total and complete fear. I REFUSE to lose another parent to cancer. This is NOT cancer. It can’t be. I’m still scared out of my mind, but I’ve steeled myself for the fight, whatever it entails. And I’m keeping my eye out for rainbows in the clouds.

Front Row Seats

As I sit here watching Steel Magnolias for about the millionth time and the sad part is making me cry for the millionth time, my heart is also aching for a dear friend of mine. Her dad, who was battling lung cancer, passed away yesterday.

It's bringing back a flood of memories for me. I can still remember the emotions of losing my own dad, also to lung cancer, about two and a half years ago. We both watched our fathers fight the disease bravely, for a long time. We watched them suffer. We watched their bodies transform from healthy, strong men to sickly and weak. Unfortunately, we saw them suffer. And it's something you never forget. I wish more than anything that I could take away the feelings I know she's going through right now. I wish no one ever had to feel the loss of a parent - or any loved one, for that matter. But we all have to do it.

I don't know how it all works, but ever since my grandma died in 1993, I've pictured her on the welcoming committee in Heaven, planning the arrival parties and greeting newcomers. I know that sounds silly, but it's truly how I picture it. That, and all of your family and friends who passed before you are there to greet you. Today, I pictured my dad there, to welcome my friend's dad, even though I'm not sure they ever met in person. But I'm positive he was there, to tell him thank you for being a good dad to his daughter who became my friend. For the longest time after my dad died, I pictured him as a kid in Heaven, running around, showing God and the angels how fast he could run. I saw him organizing baseball games and track meets. But after awhile, that feeling left me. Now I simply feel a comforting presence of my dad when I think of him. I know that he is up there watching over all of us. And now my friend's dad is too. They have front row seats to our lives and will be with us forever.

Reminiscing the High Spots

A few years after my Grandpa D passed away, my mom made the decision to move out of his house. (She had lived there with him the last few years of his life, caring for him.) When we packed up the house, we found this letter that I've typed in below that Grandpa had written to Grandma at some point. I wish it was dated. Judging by his handwriting, it was written before I was born. So it’s old. ;)

We were all so fortunate to have had him in our lives for so long. Grandpa lived to be 95 years old, surviving many years after grandma passed away. They were married for 57 years when grandma died. She was the love of his life. Grandpa was one of the greatest characters I’ve ever known. (Actually all of my grandparents are great characters!) He was short and probably weighed 120 pounds at his heaviest, but he had a very big presence. He worked for Texaco well into his senior years, then became a Bailiff at the Travis County courthouse, working until Glaucoma took his eyesight at about the age of 88.

He was known for his one acre, meticulously cared for, plush green yard and was a notorious flirt. But he was also a very religious man – he could tell you where to find any verse in the Bible. He prayed every single night (out loud) and always included people most of us would be cursing rather than praying for. Instead of saying “thank you,” he would say, “bless you.” And he would say it to everyone. So I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising that this letter he wrote is so sappy. I have to say that if I received a letter like this from a man in today’s world, I would roll my eyes and ask him what his real motive was. It’s sad, but true. People don’t write letters anymore. It’s a lost art. So, to celebrate Grandma & Grandpa’s love and the art of writing letters, here it is:

Dearest:

After reminiscing the high spots of this last year, I find there is only one outstanding fact, (that’s you). I’ve found my happiness in you; and now at Christmastime I feel like I ought to do everything a man can do, for you. However I have chosen the shortest and most pleasant method of showing my appreciation and affection. Dearest, this little gift, I call it little because I’m comparing my love for you to this gift and I find the gift short. Therefore increase its quantity billions and billions of times and you have only a fifth of my love for you.

Now let me add that this gift isn’t how I value your Love either because no gift can recompense your love but let this be a slight indication of how I value your Love and Minnie Dearest, I pray God that our Love shall ever increase, never die, and that we shall grow to a more Devine, and more human understanding. May God give us happiness forever.

Dearest I hope you will be able to use this traveling case occasionally and that you may benefit by possessing it. I give you this with all my Love.

Affectionately yours forever,
Bernie

It's a sign!

Spotted a sign this week that cracked me up, mostly because I am going to start Weight Watchers again on Monday. Ugh. As anyone who has done it knows, trying to lose weight...well, it just sucks. It's hard. And if you're like me and have like 100 lbs to lose, it just seems so unattainable. So when I saw this sign, it cheered me up for a moment. Then reality sunk in again. Sigh.

Dog Sitting Round 2

I spent part of this week dog sitting too -- this time for my mom & sister who were out of town for a few days. Cali, the Alpha dog, is a rat terrier who loves the sound of her voice. Hero is a 90 lb. Dalmation who lives up to his name because he is the one who brought my mom's attention to her breast cancer. These dogs are spoiled to say the least. All animals in our family are spoiled! (Although my little Bridget is feeling a little neglected since I've been dog sitting so much lately.) Anyway, I had a good couple days with Hero & Cali, except for one pretty rough thunderstorm that spooked them. I woke up the next morning with both dogs huddled as close to me as possible. There's something so cute about when dogs use pillows just like humans. Took these with my phone, so they're not the greatest.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

Well, my dog & cat sitting duties ended today and I found it hard to leave the little black dog. For whatever reason, I have really bonded with Dexter. Course he's a happy dog and seems to love everybody, but I know that he thinks I'm special too. :) I survived the week and enjoyed snuggling with Dexter at night...except for last night, when he just DID NOT want to sleep! Dexter & Carter both said goodbye to me when I left, but Abby kept her distance. It was so cute! I'm back home now and my own little gray & white cat, Bridget, is sooooo happy to see me. And I'm happy to see her too.

It's my last night dog sitting and the little black dog doesn't want to sleep. Do you think he knows?

Girls can rock!

Last night I was lucky enough to see The Donnas, Blondie & Pat Benatar concert here in Austin with my friend Robin. I can't even remember the last concert I went to, so I was excited. We had a great time! Pat Benatar was awesome & hasn't aged a day! Here are some really bad pics from my camera phone.

Veggie Bouquet

Check out the veggie bouquet my sister and my mom made to take into mom's office! Broccoli, cauliflower, alfalfa sprouts, carrots, celery, cucumbers, radishes, olives, tomatoes and yellow bell peppers. Yum! And guess what? They gave me some of the leftovers! Woo hoo!

Adventures in dog & cat sitting continued...

Well, I've had some much-appreciated (and much-needed) help from Aunt Becky the last few days. She loves dogs and is really good with them, so she's been coming over to play with the little black dog and walk him. On one of her walks after he did his business, Aunt Becky saw what she thought looked like worms. Ack! So, being the wonderful woman she is, she called his vet and took him in today to get a shot and a pill to kill any fleas he might have on him. A big thank you to Aunt Becky for taking care of Dexter (and the rest of us, really) so well! :)

The cats are still really nervous and acting like they're starving to death. Last night, I caught them digging in the kitchen trash! With their parents' permission, I bought them some dry food to put in their self feeder...boy did they gobble that up! Happy kitties. Er, a little happier, anyway.

Tomorrow night, Aunt Becky and my sister are taking turns watching the little black dog & the kitties because I am going to the Pat Benatar & Blondie concert! Woo hoo! I feel a little guilty and like I'm shirking my sitting responsibilities...na, I'm over it. I am simply sharing the joy of hanging out with these adorable animals with others, right? ;)

Meanwhile, I am spending about an hour at my own place, to give MY kitty some love. She's used me being gone all the time and very independent, thankfully, but I still feel bad. Signing off now to pet her...